Desicritics Category: Culture: Men

Comic Strip: It's Not A Lie If It Makes Someone Happy

IdeaSmith — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 10:30:22 EDT

Well, what else is a woman to do?

(Click on thumbnail to view idea-toon on a new page)

Relationship Lawlessness & Social Criminals

IdeaSmith — Fri, 6 Mar 2009 13:01:42 EST

I recently saw a movie about relationships and love. In one scene, a man and a woman meet in a department store and strike up a conversation over the cash register which continues till they walk out. Standing on the sidewalk, they talk, like any two strangers who've just met, of things that interest the other and ooh and aah over what they have in common. Then, just on the verge of that crucial 'ask for her number' moment, the guy shrugs and says,

I can't do this. I'm married.

It struck me right between my eyes just then. They were following a socially accepted ritual. Then they reached a point where an expression of interest had to be made or not. And it could not be made since he was clearly unavailable. The social mores dictated that he not go any further unless he was intending to take it forward seriously.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Last year I went to Europe on holiday. After enduring much ribbing about Turkish delights and Greek gods, I returned to report that no man had flirted with me. My mother, on the other hand, told me of one of our co-passengers who had struck up a conversation and told her she was beautiful, adding with a snide look at my dad that he couldn't say the same about her husband.

She was highly surprised (even though I spend all my time telling her that she looks at least a decade younger than she is - and she does!) till I added that in some western communities, it was considered polite, practically a social requirement to mock-flirt with a lady and compliment her on her fine form. This especially for a married woman, since it was quite clear that it was in light vein and was not intended to be taken seriously. Quite unlike India where it would be considered highly inappropriate to flirt or compliment a married woman.

On the other hand, my father pointed out, that it would be equally inappropriate for the same men to have flirted with me since I was clearly available. Flirting would have been an indication of serious intent, a formal expression of interest.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~We are still in a nascent society as far as dating goes. Our parents generation invented love marriages in this society; we are the generation that brings in friendship between the sexes as well as socially sanctioned romantic/sexual relationships before marriage. We haven't quite learned where to draw the line between friendship-comfort and attraction-commitment. We are still experimenting with how far we go with being funny/cool/charming and where it trespasses into flirtation.

Think about some of the relationship scenarios that are very real to us today. The 'best friend' of the opposite sex that makes the girlfriend/boyfriend so uncomfortable. The good friends (sister-brother...this is really the most convoluted one of all) who vehemently decree that other people have dirty minds. The older colleague/father of a friend/friend of father/husband of a friend who are really friendly, but perhaps a little too much sometimes?

Don't we all know a guy who promises the moon and earth to every second girl, believing correctly, that she'll keep it to herself because in the larger sense, it still isn't done for a girl to admit that she's been with a guy? There is nothing to check him from repeating the same over and over again, no one to brand him for the cad he is. Even after the crime is complete and guy is far away, possibly chasing a whole new set of girls or actually married, how many of the women he has wronged are actually going to speak up? And if you say you don't know such a guy, give me a call. I have a private 'Hall of Shame' of these social criminals.

How about the committed ones who pass off their behaviour as harmless friendliness? There's a general 'kehne mein kya harz hai?' syndrome working here. The problem is that people do fall in love, hearts get broken, trust is rended and lives are shattered. You can deny those are very real crimes, nasty things that people do to people.

As modern women, we are expected to be 'okay' with a certain degree of liberal expression. The question how far does that stretch? It's okay to know a lot of guys, it's fine to go out with them, even flirt with them, get into relationships with them. But all of that provided it ends in the institution of marriage or at least a 'stable, steady relationship'. But from meeting a guy to ending up in that last socially sanctioned comfortable relationship, it's a long way. Most men fall short far before that. Or I suspect a lot of them aren't even intending to go that far but try and drag out as much as they can get before they need to rat-tail it 'before it gets too serious'.

We stuff our best-looking side into our public persona and bury our insecurities. We put up with a guy who is 'commitment-phobic' for months and months because we don't want to be nags. We're okay with the 'just good friends' tag. We even tolerate cheating and tell ourselves patience is a virtue. What happens when he dumps you to go chase another girl and propose marriage to her in a week? You can be sure a crime of sorts has been committed but who's going to haul in the offender?

And if you're thinking this is equally true of women as well, I agree. With one small exception. Men who have been wronged in this manner can speak up about it and they do. Where else do we get such nasty phrases like slag and tease from? On the other hand, a woman who has been wronged cannot speak up. Liberated-ness be damned, one of those aforementioned crimes was perpetrated on me. I didn't dare speak up since I knew even our common friends would just think I was stupid for having believed such a guy in the first place. Well, you live, you learn.

Last month, I was flirted with by a committed man. I was unsure on when exactly I could draw the line and just relieved to get away without too much embarrassment. As I'm writing this post, I'm being propositioned by a married friend. This relationship is sometimes questioned by my friends who believe (quite correctly) that he is a social criminal. I agree and yet I continue to be friends (only in every sense of the word) with him. But few relationships are this manageable and heavenaloneknows that this one wasn't easy either.

Let me end this by just saying that delightful as this state may be with its glorious rule-lessness, the very lawlessness of it leaves each of us vulnerable to social crimes.

poetry: Coward, Coward, Burning Bright

temporal — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 10:17:17 EST

sorry dee, (and sorry W B)

Coward, coward, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame taliban symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of your idiocies?
On what wings dare you aspire?
What delusions dare seize the fire?

And what twisted and crazy thought
Could screw the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy loins began to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the sickle? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who made the saints make thee?

Chuddi, chuddi, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame taliban symmetry?

Women Assaulted In Bangalore For Wearing Jeans

Deepti Lamba — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 08:40:01 EST

Miscreants are targeting women in jeans in Bangalore. Hard to believe, isn't it?
The women were hounded, assaulted and threatened for being in 'Western attire'. What is happening in Bangalore? After being perceptually on my guard in Delhi- a city best known for its crimes against women I find Bangalore too heading down the same dangerous route.

A few weeks ago a group of women and men had been badly injured by a group of thugs at a pub and the night shift police allegedly tried to hush the matter up. The incident made news and then the matter easily slipped the mind of laidback Bangaloreans.

But the bully is still out there trying its best to subjugate the Bangalore spirit of -live and let live.

Is it time we civilians began to bear arms? The gun culture has never been part of the urban Indian society but more and more people are now wondering how they can best protect themselves against these miscreants.

Those against the gun culture are quick to say that more accidents and crimes of passion are caused by gun possession than actual self defense but I ask how do we protect ourselves when these thugs ambush us and even if they are caught the law enforcement watches from the sidelines and worse still turns on us?

Two out of the three victims of these hate crimes have registered complaints against the men who assaulted them. The police should take caricatures of the thugs out in public, our chief minister (highly unlikely) should offer harsh condemnation of the acts and we women should have some form of protest put up as quickly as possible against this sort of bullying by impotent thugs.

Here are a couple of safety tips that women should follow:
• Do not roll down your car window even if someone asks for direction.
• Always keep your car doors locked.
• Always keep your cell phone charged.
• If you are being chased while in a car try to remain in a crowded area and keep a look out for police.
• Avoid lonely roads and parking lots, listen to your instincts.
• If someone grabs you scream your head off
• Try getting a pepper spray
• Learn basic self defense techniques
• Always be aggressive. Bullies generally lay off bullies. A vulnerable looking woman is an easy prey.

These thugs are obviously individuals who have taken inspiration from the Mangalore goings-on. This has nothing to do with religion but a nasty chauvinistic mind set that is intimidated by emancipated women. This is not the time to give in to cynicism or indifference. We have to voice our protest.

The power of public outrage is the best defense against hooliganism. Speak up and be heard!

MTV Roadies: Bloodshed In Gandhinagar

Deepti Lamba — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 14:09:17 EST

There was bloodshed in Gandhinagar! Raghu and Rajiv brought their evil vibes to the latest episode of Roadies and the Brats were decimated not by the hands of the brothers but by womanly wiles and manly delusions.

In the immunity task, Bobby was bullied into stepping into the coffin whereas Dev volunteered to step in for the 'benefit' of his team. The person that was left behind the coffin basically was out of the game and hare-brained Dev got his ass kicked out by an enraged Raghu. And before Raghu too left he bestowed upon the injured cry baby Bobby the right to grant immunity to two people.

Thanks to Dev's foolishness, Om Blues were safe but the Brats lay open to be voted out except for Bobby. As always they wanted to vote Suzanna out but then Bobby felt it might seem that they are picking on her and suggested Natasha's name and Sandeep protected Natasha saying she was his friend whereas Suzanna wasn't all that friendly towards him.

So in a group of pretty women like Roop, Bobby, Natasha and Suzanna megalomaniac Sandeep was irked that one woman was impervious to his boyish charms and wanted her out!

Suzanna knowing her pretty ass was being cooked by the narcissistic team mates sought the help of Samrat who told her to have a word with Tamanna and rest of the Om Blues team.

There had already been bad blood between Kiri and his ex-Brat mates, he couldn't stand the sight of Roop who he considered to be manipulative and Tamana hated Pradeep and Sandeep's guts for causing Nauman's departure.

The goose was cooked that night but it wasn't Suzy's but Roop's. Roop knew Om Blues would turn against her but she hadn't expected Natasha to vote against her as well.

Bobby cried tears of blood for granting immunity to her male buddies and not saving Roop but she hadn't expected Natasha to turn. Indian soap opera at its best!

The sense of betrayal was strong and there was a massive cat fight between the Brats' women (except for close to tears soft spoken Suzanna) where they called Natasha characterless and a conniving woman hiding behind an innocent face but what I saw at work wasn't some animosity due to personality clash between head strong beautiful women.

There was power struggle over the 'boys' between Natasha and Roop. Kiri had already said that Roop held the reins over the boys and that probably irked Natasha. Her response that Roop had to go sometime or the other didn't hold much water. There can only be one queen bee in the hive. Roop wanted Suzanna out since she was prettier and kind of snooty but didn't expect Natasha had a thing against her's and Bobby's bossy behavior. Natasha had kept her dislike well under wraps until the time was right.

A visibly upset Suzanna stood next to Natasha and the divisions between the group had become clear. Sandeep acted like a betrayed Lothario, Pradeep shook his head and Bobby continued to cry crocodile tears. Two against three but luckily for them in the next episode there aren't going to be any more gangs, every Roadie is going to be alone once again.

Next week's episode has some actual mud wrestling matches and get this there are babes lying on the field in shorts accusing each other of trying to pull each other's shirts up.

Yeah, maintaining one's dignity has never been a wannabe Roadie's forte;)

And the visas did come through. Some lucky Roadies (not all) will get to cry some outback croc tears in Australia.

Poessay: Rosary 25 - pink flamingos, yellow roses, dark clouds

temporal — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 01:15:32 EST

credit CSM

yeh din bhee achcha din hay

aankh khhuli tou dekha oosko

woh jaan leva muskurahat

labouN per khil ga’aee

gulabi jaRa, pink winter nahin

indian summer ka din

her din say mukhtalif

her sheh, pyar maiN ghar’q

***

in the once lush vale, the clouds

carry hate to the desert

of expectations

cowering children play

with expectant dogs and cats

it is a world of animals and

runny-nosed children, their parents

breathing, but long since dead/departed

in search of made to order gods

that can fight their demons

***

chandni chalakhty hay

m’gar in badliouN main

thandak nahiN, aag hay

ik ameer des maiN bani

aag, teesri duniya kay

baasiouN kay liyaye

(moonlight cascades

through the fiery clouds

the benevolent fury

made in the first world

for the third)

***

over morning brew

she brought with that smile

we read about pink flamingos

and undies

political ploys and plays

and move to sports

while listening

for the traffic report

Earlier:
Poessay: Rosary 1 - Pink Sand Beach
Poessay: Rosary 2 - Fishing
Poessay: Rosary 3 - Adam and Eve Limited - I
Poessay: Rosary 4 - Adam and Eve Limited - II
Poessay: Rosary 5 - Descending
Poessay: Rosary 6 - Dinner In The Park
Poessay: Rosary 7 - Under the Jamun Tree
Poessay: Rosary 8 - Voices In The Air
Poessay: Rosary 9 - Life Rosary I
Poessay: Rosary 10 - Life Rosary II
Poessay: Rosary 11 - Creating In Isolation
Poessay: Rosary 12 - Kohled Eyes
Poessay: Rosary 13 - By the Lake
Poessay: Rosary 14 - Snow Flakes
Poessay: Rosary 15 - The Drop
Poessay: Rosary 16 - Ageless Quest - tishnagi
Poessay: Rosary 17 - Hemashree
Poessay: Rosary 18 - burning blazing fire rages
Poessay: Rosary 19 - Word Whirlpool - BhaNwur LafzouN Ka
Poessay: Rosary 20 - Thanksgiving I

Poessay: Rosary 21 - KhamOshi - Wordless

Poessay: Rosary 22 - A Simple Poem

Poessay: Rosary 23 - Musings
Poessay: Rosary 24 - Monologue

My Funny Valentine - Sweet Comic Valentine

Aditi Nadkarni — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:22:52 EST

There is something to be said about friends. I mean, they give us their all without expectation. At least mine do. I have friends who will listen to me yap about everything from completely transitory issues such as missing periods or acne to permanent problems that I suddenly have become aware of such as world peace and intolerance. They will never tell me that I am boring them and will loyally stifle yawns. None of them expect rings or a gift, much less a flower bouquet.

They will be completely fine if I don't call them for Valentine's Day or might even be slightly embarrassed if I do. I can just imagine my friend whisper a quick "Hmm, wish you the same but are you trying to murder my love life?" when I scream "Happy Valentine's Day!" through telephone lines while he is trying to chat up a cute girl who having heard my loud Valentine's Day wishes walked away quickly excusing herself.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love them dearly but my family can drive me nuts because, lets face it, that is their job. A year before turning thirty, I have come to accept that as a woman I will forever disappoint my mother. That's it. I feel better just having made that admission. Let me elaborate. My dad once told me of a doctor in his locality who they later discovered was somewhat of a quack. No matter what ailment one brought to Dr.Kamat, he would immediately ask them to stop drinking tea.

"But doctor I don't drink tea" the patient would sometimes respond.

"Ok so don't drink coffee" Dr.Kamat would tell him distractedly, filling out a generic prescription that everybody received unless they were having a heart attack in which case, Dr.Kamat's drunk compounder quickly shoved them into a taxi and sent them to the nearest hospital.

"Umm I don't drink coffee either doctor" the patient would tell him, hoping this information would give Dr.Kamat some brilliant insight into what was causing his affliction.

"You must drink something no....juice, cola, something. Stop drinking that" Dr.Kamat would snap at the confused patient. The poor man would nod and walk away with his prescription wondering why drinking his wife's nimbu sharbat had resulted in such a terrible case of butt-acne.

My mother is like Dr. Kamat.

"Are you drinking enough water?" she will ask without occasion

"Yes mom, I am drinking water all the friggin time" I respond in my high-pitched whiny "talkin-to-mom" voice

"Maybe you shouldn't drink too much water. You should drink a bit less. Too much water is also probably not good" she'll say.

"What's with your skin? Are you going out too much in the sun?" she'll comment, putting on her glasses, her keen stare making me squirm

"I rarely go out. I am always in the office or in lab. What are you talking about?" I answer with a shrug, rubbing my cheeks and forehead as if hoping for the tan to come off.

"Maybe that's what it is. If you stay cooped up at home, you don't get enough sun. You need some sunlight." And so on.

So basically no matter what I say, I'm screwed.

My dad is mostly neutral. But sometimes his neutrality is like that of Aishwarya Rai's where you just want to scream "Dude, say something!"

He once read my short story and I sat waiting in front of him, with baited breath to hear some feedback. He finished reading, took his glasses off and got up. I thought maybe he would walk over to me and pat my back. No such thing happened. I followed him inside until he walked into the bathroom. I stood outside only to hear him fart. That was my feedback.

Lets not even talk about extended family. They care so much for you that they have decidedly compartmentalized your life and now have inquiry committees set up for each section. Reproductivity, weight and marital status make up the three big departments and by the end of this concerned scrutiny, you are half the person you once were.

So that leaves us with friends. And it leaves our friends with this beaten down version of us, to deal with our woes, to lift our trampled self-esteem, to assuage our tested patience and soothe our hurt feelings.

Last year, I had to have surgery and just before they wheeled me into the OR, my friend's face loomed over my bed. She held a cell phone in her hand and was taking a picture.

"OMG, what are you doing?" I asked her, nervous in the anticipation of my first surgery ever, my face pink in embarrassment.

"Smile" she said loudly, as doctors and nurses looked on wondering whether or not to tell her that this was not allowed.

"Come on...just one picture, you look hot in that surgery robe and the blue cap" she told me as I smiled into the cell phone feeling like a complete moron.

When I woke up several hours later and suddenly threw up she was already holding the vomit-pan as if waiting for the puke to fly.

"Oh yeah baby!" she said victoriously as if she had caught a frisbee in the pan, "the doctor said you'd be nauseous from the anesthesia" she told me when I looked up confused wondering how she had managed to just be ready for such an unwarranted bout.

Men make amazing friends. They believe that disagreements or fights end when the phone call comes to an end. Can you imagine? One day we have a heated argument and so during the next conversation I try acting all aloof hoping he'll get the hint and apologize. He just chuckles and chortles while telling me about this colleague who was caught looking at some weird porn at work. A few minutes later, I sheepishly realize that he has completely forgotten about any fight whatsoever and even wonder if I had imagined the whole heated argument we'd had two days ago. Now I am starting to get the hang of it. This attitude keeps the friendship child-like and therefore stress-free.

A few years ago I received a V's Day card from a friend. I was surprised. He hated mushy V's day crap and had told me so, many times. I opened the e-card at work and a big blue cloud turned into a pink heart and floated around. And just as I wondered what the hell had happened to my perfectly wry friend, the large pink-heart balloon turned into a humongous, burly, pink, dimpled ass and whats more, it loudly farted. This time I turned pink and wanted to float away as colleagues looked on when the audible offensive rip came from the general direction of my desk area.

In his personalized note he wrote: "Had to show you this hilarious card. I knew you'd laugh". I did.

My roommate and I are the best of friends. I am a Harry Potter fan. She is not. One night, I read late into the night and wept when at roughly 3 am, I found out that Professor Dumbledore had died. That poor, poor, dear old man with his soft beard, I thought, crying into my pillow. I can get weird like that. I will have pent up sorrow that will suddenly be unleashed by stray occurrences, ranging from watching tragic films to hearing Talat Mehmood's ghazals. Anyways, so my roommate heard me weep and came over worried, her sleepy eyes trying to focus on my face in the dark.

"Whats the matter, why are you crying?" she asked me, blinking rapidly, her voice hoarse and heavy with sleep.

"Professor Dumbledore died" I told her mumbling. I don't know what she heard but she immediately put her arms around me

"Aww, how did he die....I'm so sorry to hear that" she cooed

"I don't know" I wept. I probably had been repressing some weird grief that Dumbledore's death had now released.

"Was it an accident? How did the professor die?" she asked her face a picture of concern

"No, that asshole murdered him" I told her as she brought me tissues and wiped my face.

"with his wand" I added, my lip still quivering and she frowned.

"Murder! With his wand? Wait, did you say wand? Wand?!" she stammered, her eyebrows knitted in confusion

"Yeah you know he used this curse and..."

"Which professor is this again? This isn't the professor who taught you Maths who you adored?" she asked, rubbing her eyes, her lips pursed, now fully awake and suddenly having spotted the Harry Potter book on my bed.

When she found out that she had been helping me mourn the death of a character, from a Harry Potter book, she could have fumed, rolled her eyes and walked away, back to bed.

"You are such a drama queen!" she could have told me and dismissed me. I expected her to do that.

Instead she sighed and sat down beside me.

"Don't worry. It's not the last book. He'll come back in the next one...just watch" she told me, with a grave philosophical expression, tucking me in and giving me hope. Professor Dumbledore's death had most likely just been a trigger for some other anguish I had suppressed and even though it found vent in the most odd fashion, she was still there for me.

Two of my very best friends are guys. I have known them since I was a tomboyish teenager. They are quintessential men who love sports, cars and beer. But for my sake, they spent a whole day at Butterfly World in Florida just because it made me happy and I had been feeling low. They had probably wanted to go the beach and watch beautiful, tanned bikini-clad beauties. Instead, they stood patiently in Butterfly World, their hands in their pockets, with tight, uncomfortable smiles, while I clicked pictures and annoying little kids ran around everywhere screaming. They tried very hard to not swat the pretty butterflies that settled down sometimes on their shoulders and hair and even gave me enthusiastic nods and a thumbs-up when I fed two parakeets on my palm.

"Please do not show these pictures to other people" they told me quietly, as we left Butterfly World and headed straight to a sports bar where macho-ism can be painlessly revived.

When I finish a good book, I call them. When I am depressed, I call them and I later find out that they had walked out of a movie theater to talk me out of my blues. When I see a great movie, I talk them into watching it and argue with them when they tell me they hated it. St.Valentine has blessed the celebration of love with his name. Similarly, Plato has blessed friendships between the genders with his name but nobody seems too keen on celebrating Plato's Day. Maybe my post will start a new wave for Plato's Day and annoy those angry Senas even more.

Sadly, in case of Platonic friendships, sometimes I feel like I am on this long wait until the guy's wife comes into his life one day and refuses to see how this friendship of his could be "proper". I spend my days fearing that one day, my best friend will turn into somebody's husband, that one day his wife will claim that him and I are just too close for her comfort. It scares me that this one whim might decide the future of a friendship that I have cherished since I was a teenager. These people are the only witnesses who knew the original me. They knew the person before the cynicism of age and experience set in and they heard the laughter that grew inhibited with every passing year. I once told one of them about this recurring nightmare where he and his wife meet me at the mall years later and he refuses to acknowledge me because she might get offended. At the end of my narration, I waited for his reaction. I waited for him to tell me that I was panicking for no reason and this it was a thoroughly stupid paranoia. And instead he giggled.

"Was she hot...my wife in your nightmare?" he asked me cackling at his own joke as I groaned and protested his ill-timed humor. I was secretly glad that he had made light of the situation; how else could I have ever laughed in the face of such credible fear.

Come to think of it, it is even harder for two girls to stay friends through all the numerous life changes. Two women who are such good friends that they are more than sisters, in the United States, are either pronounced gay or are Gayle...and Oprah.

Marriages, romance, children, jobs, geography and in the face of all the chaos, change and exhaustion is the steady, scaffold, the pillar of a good strong friendship that keeps us all going. So I have decided that I won't wait for Friendship Day to come along and pass by unnoticed. This Valentine's Day, I raise a toast and a cupcake with pink frosting to the ones that keep me sane through all the insanity and yet manage to bring in ample craziness when things get more serious than they should. This Valentine's Day I celebrate this one love that hardly ever gets celebrated and the deep affection we have for the unsung heroes of our busy lives.

Here's to you, my friend, my funny, crazy Valentine.

Valentine's Day: Love Expressed On Desicritics

Deepti Lamba — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 12:18:17 EST

Valentine's Day is close by and we are already swimming in pink undies, pink sarees, listening to passionate calls for and against the celebrations but what is going unheard is the silent love that beats deep within our hearts. No matter how cliched it may sound Love deserves to be aired out like fresh sheets in sunny breeze and we'd run through our memories and those expressed by others like children enjoying nothing more than the carefree moment lived and forgotten within the darkened recesses of our hearts.

Love makes us pause and smell the roses, enjoy the caress or maybe for once realize that we have much to be grateful for no matter how hard life may get. Love heals wounds, love gives hope and more than anything love makes us want to be better than we are.

Its all about love and its being painted pink. Pink is not the color of love. Its rich red like the blood flowing in our veins. It lives within us and flows through a touch, a glance or a word. Express what deserves to be aired. Anger and hatred cloud our horizon but love barely scratches the grime reality we live.

Its time to express what makes us human and its called Love.

Articles Written For the Valentine's Day Competition:

Articles Written By Editors:

Tell us how you feel. Posts for the competition are invited until February 16th, and prizes will be announced soon after.

I Heart Pink Chaddis

Sakshi Juneja — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 11:54:16 EST

Let's get one thing straight – Implementation of laws in 21st century India is practically non-existent. Especially in matters where we have political farts going around terrorizing the aam aadmi under the hoax of safeguarding religious and/or cultural sentiments. Mind you, no one asked them to take upon themselves this heavy responsibility par boss es competitive environment main footage ke liye haat laat marana toh zaroori hain na. And so we have the likes of Shiv Sena, Raj Thackeray and Pramod Muthalik who will stoop to the basest levels and propagate the most ridiculous of excuses to accomplish their self-centered political agendas.

The State and Central Governments as always verbally "condemn" such acts of extreme ideologies but fail to put their words in action. While our judicial system continues to work at a snail's pace; arrests are made for formality and later bails are handed out, just as easily.

The fact of the matter is that this political "goondagardi" is very much a part of our everyday reality along with inefficiency of those responsible for securing law & order. Your security lies in your own hands because the government..er…gives a rat' arse about it.

Therefore keeping the above in mind, here's my plan of action :

Years ago, on my first day at junior college, my older brother gifted me a baseball bat. Not for the sport but for protection. I carried it in my car for almost two years. Did I ever use it? Well, let me just say it came handy in teaching some brothers a lesson in naari respect.

Today, since I am an active member of the "loose women" club, I bought myself a spanking red baseball bat. Along with six cans of Pepper Spray. At home I have urged my sister in law to enroll herself and my 4 year old niece for Karate lessons.

And I advise you to do the same. Set aside some money from your shopping budget, kitty party, weekend outing – instead invest it in a sturdy protection tool(s). You may think I am over reacting, and maybe I am. But don't they say, desperate times call for desperate measures?

* Important Announcement : Though I am not much of believer in ishq-mohabbat-pyaar, let alone the concept of Valentine's Day however this year I have decided to mend my cold ways. And to prove this, I am gifting not one but three Pink Chaddis to my dear Valentine, Sri Rama Sene president Pramod Muthalik.

Like me, if you too find Muthalik to be a hottie then do join the Pink Chaddi Campaign. Believe me you lurveeing can't get better than this, this Valentines.

So What Happens After Divorce?

Dr Bhaskar Dasgupta — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 06:54:04 EST

Divorce statistics are not pretty reading, behind those statistics is a landscape of utter emotional devastation. Divorce is rising everywhere in the world, whether it be in China, Indonesia, Bhutan, you name it. Lets just concentrate here in the UK. Seems like the number of divorces is falling.

Each of the reported statistics have a challenge and needs further analysis

In 2007 the provisional divorce rate in England and Wales fell to 11.9 divorcing people per 1,000 married population compared with the 2006 figure of 12.2. The divorce rate is at its lowest level since 1981.For the fifth consecutive year, both men and women in their late twenties had the highest divorce rates of all five-year age groups. In 2007 there were 26.6 divorces per 1,000 married men aged 25-29 and 26.9 divorces per 1,000 married women aged 25-29.Since 1997 the average age at divorce in England and Wales has risen from 40.2 to 43.7 years for men and from 37.7 to 41.2 years for women, partly reflecting the rise in age at marriage.One in five men and women divorcing in 2007 had a previous marriage ending in divorce. This proportion has doubled in 27 years: in 1980 one in ten men and women divorcing had a previous marriage ending in divorce. Sixty-nine per cent of divorces were to couples where the marriage was the first for both parties.

The graph shows a bit of leveling out rather than increasing which, I suppose, some good news. We still have pretty young people divorcing, but seems like people don't learn, 1 in 5 already had been divorced once before and now they are divorcing again. Only 69% of marriages were for the first time for both parties. The average length of a marriage before divorcing has been 11 years. This is a bit confusing to me, does it really take that long before the marriage fails? Also, more than half divorces had a child less than 16 years of age.

While researching for this article, I came across the strangest of behaviours. For example, after divorce, one man wanted his kidney back which he had gifted to his wife. Or how about the Nigerian man who was forced to divorce his 82 wives. But that’s nothing when you consider the cost of each divorce in the UK. One estimate is that it costs up to £13,000 per divorce in the UK. And with the credit crunch, the situation has turned really bad. It has apparently increased by a gobsmacking 150% last summer. I quote:

Relationship experts say that they are not surprised with the Summer figures, blaming Summer vacation’s for a high percent of divorce, factors such as spending money they don’t really have, finally spending more than a week in their spouse’s company when they are probably more used to 3 hours maximum, bickering children and the time to reflect sitting on the beach wondering is this really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But by and large, divorce is horrible for the woman, even these days after loads of improvement in the legal system. See the table below for a comparison of legal systems in the matter of divorce from the Economist.

According to recent research, and I quote:

Divorce makes men - and particularly fathers - significantly richer. When a father separates from the mother of his children, according to new research, his available income increases by around one third. Women, in contrast, suffer severe financial penalties. Regardless of whether she has children, the average woman's income falls by more than a fifth and remains low for many years.

This means that society has to carry the load for much longer and women keep on suffering for a very long time. But one crucial aspect, the differences arise for fathers and mothers, not males and females. Its the impact of managing children which impacts the women and as usual, the women usually get custody of the children.

All in all, divorce is frankly not good, not for the man, not for the woman, not for the children, not for the society but even within this, the woman usually gets hold of the short end of the stick. The tax system does not help either, and this is something that I find seriously stupid on parts of the succeeding UK governments. Why on earth do you not want to support marriage? when the downside is much worse for the economy and society? Study after study says that marriage, children, health, family, tax takes, you name it are better for married couples compared to individuals or even cohabiting couples. Not only it does not support, but it actively discourages marriage. I quote:

Experts say that couples where one partner works and the other stays at home are the worst affected, paying a far higher proportion of their incomes to the taxman than in almost any other civilised country. Britain is almost alone in failing to reward couples that stay together, according to the first international study of its kind. A one-earner couple on average earnings of £30,800 a year pays 40% more tax in Britain than in comparable members of the OECD group of developed nations. And, compared to European Union states, the average family is paying 25% more tax.

Bit silly, no? but then, lets not hope for economic literacy from this government of idiots. But that's besides the point. No simple answers, but if I did have to draw a lesson, I would say to women, do not marry till you are absolutely sure and be financially independent under all circumstances.

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