Desicritics Category: Culture: Men

Male Dominance and Historical Wrongs done to Women

Sumanth — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:20:34 EST

It is a male dominated world and men control women. It actually looks like a massive conspiracy of global scale for thousands of years. A lot of historical evidence suggests that. For example, women were not allowed to vote till very recent times in human history. Women were burnt after being tortured to confess that they are witches. There are many allegations that women were or are even now treated as property. There are kings and rich who maintained harems of women.

There seem to be huge historical injustice on women. Large numbers of evidences, research and studies for decades point to this historical injustice. It actually appears like a huge crime “against humanity” that such atrocities are committed against women for thousands of years and the world is kept “male dominated”.

Hillary Clinton said in Beijing-95, “Women’s Rights are Human Rights and Human Rights are Women’s Right”. People cheered.

With this awareness of the large scale historical injustices, men have every reason to feel guilty as they have perpetrated all these crimes. Even today men hit, rape and torture women across the world. Many women’s organisations in fact say that the crimes against women across the world are increasing at a rapid rate, which requires urgent action from all men and women in the world.

The picture below shows the dynamics of male-female relationships for thousands of years.

This guilt has made many men to call for “positive discrimination” of men. Said in a simple way, they want men to be denied civil liberties, democratic rights, freedom and dignity. They feel if men across the world are discriminated now, then that will compensate for the historical injustices and create a world that is safe for women.

Now, what’s the problem? The problem is I am an Engineer. The Engineer in me wants to integrate all parts together. Unfortunately, I find all the facts do not fit together.

The kid in me thinks that the rich and the powerful always had higher life expectancy, less diseases, less accidents and better quality of life compared to the slaves. The whites, who discriminated African Americans in US or other places in history had higher life expectancy, lesser diseases and lesser accidents.

If women were treated like slaves and kept deliberately poor in a male dominated society, then how come men have more diseases and lower life expectancy. Why more men die due to suicides or accidents?

This does not fit when I integrate the data and all evidences. I ask, “Did men had better time than women ever in history of humanity?

Then, I found that the Model used to explain “male dominance” is too naive.

The Evolution created a division of labour for men and women. Nature and evolution are violent processes. Anyone who has watched discovery or animal plant even once will agree with me.

The men positioned themselves around the outer periphery of human tribes, fighting against a hostile nature and violent beasts. They took great risks on their lives to hunt and gather food for everyone. Sometimes, they have to fight with other tribes brutally for food so that their own tribe can survive. This shaped men and their attitudes and behaviour for thousands of years.

The advanced model of Relationship between Male, Female and Nature is below:

In this Model of understanding, the nature is most violent entity. The men remained in the outer periphery fighting violence and acted like a cushion for women, children and old people in the central core.

Men absorbed most of the violence directed towards the humans by nature and in the process they risked diseases, injuries and faced death for thousands of years.

Now, how appropriate it is to insult and degrade men claiming that men acted selfishly in history and exploited women for their own betterment?
Will we create a better society, when we go on to degrade and insult our own ancestors for all the sufferings they took on themselves so that the future generations have a better place in this world?

Men absorbed the violence to protect the women, who spent most of their time either remaining pregnant or raising children. There were hardly 20 million humans in this world 5000 years back and children were important for survival of humanity.

However, men cannot absorb all the violence directly from nature and environment; neither all of them have the capacity to heal themselves mentally from all the violence they absorbed in their minds. That creates a domino effect and some violence seeps in to reach the inner core containing women. Now, a whole hue and cry is raised out of the consequences out of that domino effect with rhetoric on “domestic violence” or other violence on women by men.

Even today, most men remain in the periphery protecting the central core of women, children and elders by risking murders, diseases and deaths. Even today, the men are pushed to outer periphery to face “positive discrimination” or violence from state due to gender based civil liberties violations.

It is no fun for men to live in a world unacknowledged for what they contributed or contribute even today.

Ideologues want men to partner them in eliminating violence against women. How can they eliminate violence and create peace, when men are made to live in a red hot high risk zone of unemployment, murders, suicides, violence or accidents?

How can violence against women reduce to zero, when men are denied services or counselling from the state or society to heal themselves?

Are not societies getting closed, judgemental, blind and paranoid about the issues? Is not it going to mislead us all and damage our sense of fairness and rational judgements?

A boy has 3 times more chance to die due to murder, suicide or accident than a girl, when he grows up. Now, are we going to create a better society by denying civil liberties and stereotyping him in schools? Can we discriminate him as he grows up and expect him to make a great partner to a woman?

Men have made great sacrifices for humanity for ages. They have the capacity to make more sacrifices and most importantly, they remain silent about pain and sacrifices unlike women, who go all around cribbing about the headache they got in the afternoon after watching TV.

However, will we have a better society, when we consider it a virtue to insult and invalidate all that men have done or do now?

Is it a male dominated society or “Male-Sacrificing Society”?

Now, let’s go back to Hillary Clinton. She said in Beijing 95, “Women’s Rights are Human Rights and Human Rights are Women’s Rights”.

A school kid can understand what it means according to “set theory”.

It is difficult to live in a society knowing that the society hates you because you are a male. It is difficult to live in a world, when you know that your words will never be trusted by the society. It is difficult to live being continuously apologetic to historical wrongs.

It is difficult to live in a world, where you know that your contributions will not be acknowledged just because you are a male.

To My "Little Women"

Cee Kay — Tue, 9 Mar 2010 21:15:09 EST

Dear M and S,

Yesterday was International Women's day. I wanted to write this for you then, but better (a day) late than never, right?

You, my beautiful little ladies, are the reason your dad and I find each day worth living to our fullest. Before you came into our lives, we had no idea that we lacked something (or two special someones) in our lives. But now we cannot imagine not having you in our lives. I shudder at the thought of sending you to college. I will probably be the helicopter mom personified, literally hovering over your dormitories and classrooms. I have no qualms about embarrassing you, my darlings. See, that is what we are saving for - your respective therapies that will be needed just for the fact that you have been subjected to your dad and me :)

That apart, here is something I want you never to forget. You are going to grow up into beautiful, confident women. Your dad and I will make sure of that. The world and its uncle will try to tell you how a woman should behave, think, dress or live. Before they get to you, I want to imprint a few things on your minds.

1. You DON'T have to please everyone all the time. You DON'T have to please ANYONE at all, if you don't feel like it. Sure, nice people sometimes do some things for others that make them (others) feel good. I am all for such niceties. But remember - NEVER be forced into doing something, anything for someone if your heart, gut or mind says no. Listen to your "self". I am not condoning selfishness. I am just saying that do not give in to someone's "Good girls make sure their parents/husbands/boyfriends/friends/God/whoever are happy". Remember, a happy and contented self is much better than a happy anyone-else. But diplomacy sure does make life easier - remember that!

2. Stand up for yourself. Because no one else will, if you don't. Don't be bullied into doing something you don't want to. If you think what you are offering someone is reasonable and fair, it probably is. If they don't agree, negotiate. But DO. NOT. BE. BULLIED. INTO. SUBMISSION!! It is possible to be pleasant and yet stand your ground. At the same time, never be hesitant in unsheathing your claws when you have to. Sometimes you HAVE to show people what you are really made of in order for them to take you seriously.

3. Remember good men don't hit women. They don't terrorize women, humiliate them or coerce them into doing something they don't want to do. There are plenty of good men around. You DON'T have to settle for anyone less than "good". Not even for "good enough". It is better to spend life alone than to put up with an abuser just because "Good" didn't come along. Have the confidence to go on your way alone and I am sure you will find someone who is just right for you. Even if you don't, remember YOU are perfect for you! Remember how your dad loves and respects me. Always remember - you deserve such a partner too. Never settle for anything less.

4. Be financially independent. No matter how loving a husband/partner you have and even if you are well taken care of, make sure you have at least one UPDATED skill that can get you gainful employment whenever you need. You never know what curveball life will throw at you next year, next month or next moment. Be prepared. If you WANT to work, never let anyone tell you that good wives or mothers don't. Never let another person dictate whether or not you should work, or where for that matter. There is no blessing greater in this world than to be able to do what you want to do in life. And don't let any idealist tell you that working to "earn money" is inferior to any other goal. Don't let money be your be all, end all. But do make some money. You will realize a healthy bank balance brings along mental peace and allows you to focus on the more important things in life - like family. Don't undervalue money, but don't overvalue it either.

5. Take good care of yourselves. Take time out for yourself, no matter how crazy life is and no matter how many responsibilities you have. Even if you are with someone, make sure you take out time for YOU. Alone. Very important for your "self" AND for any relationship. Eat healthy, exercise, be active. Have some hobbies that take you outdoors and allow you to be physically active. Mental agility is good too. Try and strike the balance between the two.

6. Be cautious. In unknown locations, uncertain situations and around unknown people. ALWAYS be on your guard! Safety should be a habit, not a "hobby". I cannot stress this enough.

7. Learn everything there is to learn to survive AND to live comfortably. Learn what it takes to progress in your professional fields, learn to cook, to sew, to change a flat tire, change a light bulb, repair a fuse, fix a toilet. In short - anything that you might need to do one day. Or earn enough to be able to pay others to do all this for you. But I'd still say knowing how to do all these things is a good idea - then you will know if someone is trying to rip you off by charging, say, 50 bucks to fix a fuse.

8. Don't hold regrets and grudges. They poison minds, hearts and relationships. It is a difficult thing to learn. I am still learning it. But I hope you will do a better job of it than me. Talk things out. Don't let a little disagreement fester into a big one. Learn to apologize when it is your fault, but don't be apologetic all the time. Learn when to say "I understand you feel this way, but I think I am right".

9. Take a long time to make friends and even longer to end friendships. Remember it is hard to undo the hurt of a mean word or gesture. But also know when to let a relationship go. If it is preying on your mind and being, but going nowhere, you are probably best OUT of it than in.

10. Be competitive. Healthy competition builds character. Don't let the pacifists tell you that participation is good enough. Participation is good but winning, or trying to win, is better. I don't mean to tell you that your efforts are worthless if you don't win. What I mean to tell you is put in your 100% efforts and then some more. If you win, good, if not at least you know you tried your best.

11. Love each other unconditionally. A sister (sibling) is our first and ever lasting best friend. Sure you will have differences. Who doesn't? But learn to resolve those differences amicably. In the end, when your dad and I are gone, you will only have each other to lean on.

There! 11 things - one for each year that I have been a mother. There are many more things I want to tell you, teach you. More later!

Ten Dating Don'ts For Men

IdeaSmith — Mon, 1 Mar 2010 11:52:46 EST

So I just read this article by [Redacted] Guy (yes, that’s what he calls himself) about the ten things he wishes his dates wouldn’t do while out with him. He asks for suggestions, so here are mine. Considering it’s a long list (List! List! My favorite word again!), I put it up as a post. Here’s what I soooo wish guys wouldn’t do when on a date with me.

1. Staring at my bust

There is just no excuse for this. Without entirely condoning it, I’m willing to see that a random guy on a bus or across the street may do this. He has the right to look where he wants. And I have the right to mentally strike him off my list of people I would ever go out with. But when I’m on a date with you, I don’t have that option anymore. Not at least till the end of the date, I’m at least that nice. Be nice to me and don’t treat me like a sex object the very minute we start the date.

2. Ogling other women

This follows from the first since some men use the excuse that ‘I can’t look at you so I’ll look at others’. We’re out on a date. That means you and I are getting together to spend some time with each other. Focus on the last three words. One date does not tie you to me but it does warrant the courtesy of your undivided attention at least.

3. Boasting

Showing off probably comes naturally to the male species especially when in the presence of the opposite sex. Animals do it, insects do it and human men do it too. Only don’t go on and on about it. The showing off is a mating ritual among the aforementioned life forms and ceases once the connection has been made. Assume that the connection has been made the minute the date has been accepted. There’s really no reason to go on and on about the number of foreign trips you go on, how earth-shatteringly important you are to your company, how you were having tea last week with the Dalai Lama and how many thousand books you read in the past year. It’s off-putting and most importantly it’s boring. I tuned out the minute you started throwing numbers at me.

4. Not listening at all

It’s a conversation. That means both people talk and listen. Talk some, I’ll listen. Then I’ll talk and you need to do more than stare around the room, ask the waiter for refills and interrupt to tell me about the movie I saw. Believe me, I could interest you with more than my bust. I have a sense of humour, an opinion and intelligence too. Give me a chance to let you see that too.

5. Calling me things like ‘Babe’, ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘Honeybun’

It’s a first date. I could be your girlfriend but I’m not, yet. We could be friends but we haven’t gotten to the place, right now. Undue familiarity and worse, sexist phrases are instant turn-offs. I have a name, use it. I might permit you to give me a nickname, but at least be original.

6. Playing SuperShrink

You’ve probably heard that women dabble in pop psychology. Maybe I have issues. Everyone does, it’s normal. Don’t put me under a microscope and psycho-analyze me on a date. It’s immensely offensive to tell me I am afraid of getting too close to men because of my Electra complex. If you’re a doctor, that’s work during a leisure activity. BORING. If you’re not a doctor, it tells me you’re just being a creep.

7. Caveating

It’s not cool to be commitment-phobic. I am not concerned with how messy your love life has been so far or how busy you are at work. You can go for a movie alone or have lunch on your own if those are true. If this date is happening, it’s because you agreed to it. Don’t waste my time and yours by coming to a date and then telling me why it can’t go further. If it’s not coming along as well as you thought, just tell me so. I may be disappointed but that’s better than being disgusted. If you’re that terrified of telling me the truth, at least wait till the date’s over. Don’t scuttle it while it’s in progress.

I wanted this list to be a ‘Ten things..’ but I’ve only managed seven. Does that mean men have fewer annoying habits on dates? Or does it mean that women are more permissive? Hmm? Women, add to these if you think up any others. Well, men you may too.

poetry: whirling

temporal — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:04:28 EST

said the cab driver
as he swooshed and swirled
through the desi roads
with cars and carts
and men and machines
rushing, idling, squeezing
with a foot on the pedal
and a hand on the horn
'it is not my fault'

fault? blame? confession?

adam would have smiled

quakes, tsunamis,
holocaust, ethnic cleansing
greed that blinds
individuals and nations
precariously countered
by grit, will and concern
for adam's progeny
by eve's children
who descend to salvage
flustered dignity

conflict borne of heaven
fermented by earth
moving in circles
between the many dazed
and the unconfused few
who whirl

hirsute adam
unabashed and shaved
would have revealed
mona's first smile
(leonardo tells me)
metonymy for
'not-my-fault'

Homosexuality Versus Violation of Privacy

Aditi Nadkarni — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 08:04:22 EST

Dr.Siras, reader and chairman of Modern Indian Languages at the Aligarh Muslim University (AMU), was filmed having consensual sex with a same sex partner in his on-campus home without his knowledge. This video was then sent to his university employees. This likely seems the work of a group of pranksters looking for either entertainment or the settling of some scores. Some media outlets speculate that a local news channel may have been involved in this "outing" which I find bizarre.

Our media is now invested in splashing private sex lives over the news? When did that happen? It is very easy for the decent and thinking ones among us to pick out the victim and the perpetrator in this situation. If a heterosexual couple were filmed having sex in their own home, practically everyone would immediately conclude that the couple were innocent victims of a gross violation of their privacy. Would it matter if they were doing it doggy style or in the missionary position when they were filmed without their knowledge? I don't think so. It would be a slam dunk case where police would have gone after the people who filmed the video without Dr.Siras's knowledge and Dr.Siras would've eventually been able to file a lawsuit against the perpetrators. Right? Well, apparently, our societal morals and ethics depend upon a person's sexual orientation. AMU has pronounced this as grievous conduct on part of the professor to have sex in his own home and has suspended him.

It is an interesting time in India for homosexuality and sexuality in general. We as a society have never been openly homophobic or openly opinionated at all about anything remotely sexual. We don't talk about it. We just do it and then shush other people when they bring it up. As a nation we are all secretly homophobic, especially the men of our masses, the ones who adjust their crotches in public and molest women in trains as a mark of their machoism. They might not go around bashing homosexuality in public like the right-wing Christians do in the United States but they do their bit. Raani, chhakka, hijhda, all code for eunuch, are the terms they have coined to add to the existing offensive nomenclature for those whose sexual orientation does not quite fit with rigid ideas of who should sleep with who. Our commercial filmmakers gingerly broach homosexuality in films, often doing more damage than good for the LGBT community in India. Gay men are portrayed as weak, overtly effeminate and used mostly as comic relief in films thus successfully reinforcing popular and damaging stereotypes. I have personally witnessed college kids torment a classmate who is not into girls or does not invest into building a macho image. We all watch people being teased or left out but how many of us speak up? I grew up in this very society and yet when I see a gay couple, I see a couple. When I see homophobia, I see irrationality driven by fear of the unknown.

When I first read about this case, I desperately hoped that the story would be about how AMU stood by their professor and how the police immediately were on the case, looking for the people who had violated Dr.Siras's privacy. I set myself up for disappointment. In my mind, academia and media are the the outer, growing fringe of our society's thought map defining how progressive we are as a populace, they make up the forward moving wave on which intellectuals ride out and set themselves apart from the rest of the crowd. In this case, it was television reporters who allegedly filmed a man having sexual relations within the confines of his own home and then a university condoned this by castigating the professor because the form of sex he was having was not appealing to them. When media and academia promote regressive thinking it comes as more of a shock than it would have if it were say a political party doing it to pander to voters or a religious group looking to recruit. This sort of thing could happen to any of us. Even if you, my reader, may not be a homosexual, I am pretty sure you do things in your own home that you would not want media filming and showing to your employers, right? I guess 15th August is just a public holiday then.

History is witness that it takes times like these to brew a revolution. It takes nerve to side with the right kind of morality, the one that does not pause in doubt and morph into something unrecognizable when overcome with prejudice, intolerance or fear. In my opinion, the LGBT community in India needs to empower themselves and be more vocal. A lot of homosexual individuals do not make their presence known. They prefer to lead privately gay lives often offering up the understandable explanation of "My sex life is nobody's business". Sure. And this attitude may afford them a relatively drama free life, but as a community it will not bring them to the status of equal citizens with equal treatment unless they come forward and fight for it. Today in the face of this scandal, Dr.Siras according to a news report is voluntarily leaving the university. There are so many gay individuals who avoid a scandal and walk away from the mess, not demanding their rights or questioning the raw deal they are dealt.

Last year, Chief Justices Shah and Muralidhar made me proud when they mandated that Section 377 was inapplicable to consenting sex between adults in private. They noted that, “Constitutional morality must outweigh the argument of public morality, even if it be the majoritarian view.” It was a small, yet mighty step in the right direction. And now, a group of idiotic television reporters and the Aligarh Muslim University has brought us a few steps back again.

Movie Review: My Name is Khan

Kishore — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 07:50:53 EST

Autism reminds me of Mark Haddon's masterpiece fiction The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, where the protagonist - a 15 year old autistic child - embarks on an adventure to find the killer of his neighbor's dog. An autistic life with an impaired social interaction and restrictive communicative abilities is often subject to being misconstrued as mental retardation.

My Name is Khan is an extraordinary story of an autistic individual trying to harness his limited capabilities, his child-like intellect that makes him travel across America to meet the President and win back the love of his wife. All of this happens while tensions are running high post 9/11 and individual muslims are victimized to being associated with terrorism. Rizvan Khan (SRK) is one among them, who is detained at the San Francisco Airport on the pretext of his Islamic surname - Khan.

In the real world, Shah Rukh Khan himself and Kamal Hassan have been afflicted by the anything-Islamic-is-everything-terror syndrome. SRK in Newark and Kamal Hassan in Toronto have been detained in the past because their surname sounded "suspicious" and so were "potential terrorists", let alone a possible number of unknown individuals who had to go through this.

The movie is very unkaranjoharly, and the most striking aspect is the simplicity of the story and its fluid narrative. It is often the lack of knowledge that hinders the natural existence of a person with autism. We are so used to the natural rhythms of our sensory impulses, that an understanding of this rare other side is sure to make you feel empathic towards those suffering from it. Niranjan Iyengar has certainly done his homework in understanding the autistic ways of communication - devoid of emotions, extremely factual botched with repetitive behavior. Not to mention, SRK's rendering of Niranjan's dialogs are delivered to perfection.

Kajol plays Mandira, the mother of the child that becomes a victim of campus racial abuse during the post 9/11 chaos, also Rizvan's wife, and is at her vintage best. Years of break of cinema has not dithered her charm and expressions any bit, and she puts together another memorable performance.

In a world that associates Karan Johar with sentimental family soaps and tearful climaxes, My Name is Khan only goes to show that K Jo is capable of dealing with complicated topics like Autism, 9/11 and terrorism and can still manage to present the story as a simple no-frills movie that is both entertaining and moving.

Love Is In The Air...

Purba — Mon, 8 Feb 2010 05:33:54 EST

Love is buzzing in the air. Nobel laureate Orhan Pamuk has declared to the world and whoever is willing to listen “It’s no secret, Kiran (Desai) is my girlfriend” The lovebirds will soon be heading off to Goa. It should do them a world of good. Apparently sunbathing jazzes up a man’s sex drive with good ole Vitamin D coming to rescue. According to scientific studies it perks up the testosterone. I love scientific studies. You are forever caught in a quagmire of indecisions. One day eggs are harmful, the next they are supposed to be good for heart. Do I need to drink eight glasses of water? Is it okay to go nuts over nuts? Dusting increases chances of fertility! Ever since I read that I gave up stress for good. All I need to do is take off my glasses and the house looks much cleaner.

Jacob Zuma, South African president is busy propagating love. A practicing polygamist, he has sired his 20th child. Now that’s taking sowing your wild oats to the extreme. But I am a bit tensed up. Not because Zuma at 67 can still do it. I have a list to make of people I have to say “I love you” to. And I barely have a week. You see, the entire year I will be too busy working, living, entertaining myself and others and I will get just one measly Valentine’s Day to profess my love.

My forehead is furrowed in concentration. The list is not very long, but tricky. If I leave out someone who really matters, I will be met with iciest of glares for the rest of the year.

My Mom….of course I love her, I am conditioned to, but can you please stop telling me what’s wrong with my life and finally accept me as a grown up?

The Husband... we have a life-long contract of loving each other. But it would help if you can say I Love you with that beautiful armband from Amrapali. I have been eyeing it for the longest.

My brother… I love you, but I love your cuddly daughter and her most endearing smile more.

Why is it so easy to fall hopelessly in love with babies? Is it because they do not express their opinions (read criticism)? Demand only love and love you unconditionally!

My Daughter... Honey Mama loves you, but can you please be more responsible and study!! (Ha! so much for unconditional love)

My friends…With you I can be myself. Not a mother, a wife, a daughter, just a girl who needs mindless banter to de-stress. And you make the greatest partners in crime (read shopping)

Why is it so difficult to love and so easy to loathe? Ask me about my hate list and I can rattle off names in a jiffy. But when it comes to loving we have the longest checklist list to fulfill. It’s like a hurdle race, the faster you run, the higher you jump, the closer you can come to me. Is he bestowed with a sense of humor? Is Fountainhead her favorite piece of literature? Is she compassionate? Does he love dogs? Of course if the guy looks like Bradley Cooper, the checklist and hurdles can go to hell.

But a stray uncomfortable incident and we are ready to block the unfortunate person out for the rest of our lives.

Thank god Valentine’s Day was not half as popular when I was in school. Was it because Archies had yet to make its presence felt and Hallmark had not made its mark in the Indian market? Imagine how stressful it could have been! As if exams were not enough, you were now doomed to wait for V day with trepidation. Will I get any cards this year? I have been giving Vinay the glad eye for the longest, will he take the bait? Saisha got 17 cards last year and I managed just 3 (all bought by me). Why me? Why not me?

The florist though is the happiest. He goes laughing all the way to the bank. People shell out forty bucks for a measly rose without a murmur of protest. Your senses are assaulted with an overdose of red. The city suddenly gets infested with gloriously-in-love couples looking deep into each other’s eyes, girls giving off key musical renditions of their love at the local karaoke station, men scurrying off to the jeweler to make an expensive declaration of their love.

So is one day enough to express an emotion so deep that it has the ability to transform; is your biggest weakness and strength? Isn’t any day good enough to feel mushy and gooey? Why do we wait for B-days and V-days to make our special one feel cherished? My take is that occasions such as these jolt us out of the daily rut of our lives.

Many of you would argue that Valentine’s Day is but a shameless marketing ploy. Maybe it is but I don’t care. This Valentine’s I am going to be dressed in my red pair of jeans (fashion police stay away), pop in heart shaped chocolates ,flutter my mascara’d lashes and croon “Oh my love, my darling, I’m hungry for your love” to my one and only. You have a problem with that?

Book Review: Victoria And Abdul

Deepti Lamba — Thu, 4 Feb 2010 04:51:10 EST

Shrabani Basu's book Victoria and Abdul takes us into a world of love, companionship, untamed ambition, colonial grandeur, petty human emotions and fall from grace that leaves a broken heart.

Shrabani weaves the last ten years of Queen Victoria and her relationship with Abdul Karim, her Indian secretary ( also called Munshi) with brisk yet detailed narration. The love the Queen bore for Abdul caused great deal of fur flying not only in her household but also became a cesspit of gossip for the court and a source of irritation for top brass of the British bureaucracy ruling India.

Initially one may get the impression that the opposition Abdul Karim faced from the Queen's household, nobility and even her children was based on racism and social discrimination but Shrabani delved deeper and showed that Abdul's shameless desire to elevate his status and that of his family to the level of royalty was one of the main causes for his unpopularity amongst the Queen's entourage and amongst the Royalty.

Unfortunately as Shrabani points out after Queen Victoria's death most of the letters that were written between Victoria and Abdul Karim were destroyed on King Edward's command such was his shame regarding his mother's relationship with Adbul and his resentment against the Munshi.

To be fair to those who hated the high handed ambitious Mushi the Queen's preferential treatment towards her Scottish gillie John Brown in the near past made them fear that the same routine would be played out with the young Abdul Karim.

To be fair to the Queen as well, her love for Abdul Karim was that of a mother and her childlike dependence on him was probably a sign her advancing age. And despite pressure from the household, her children and despite the hawk eyed surveillance that was done of Karim's movements both within Britain and India he remained in their midst and the Queen's constant companion till the end of her days.

The rise of Abdul Karim from a vernacular clerk at the Agra Jail to being the Queen's urdu tutor and a gentleman who hobnobbed with Kings and Queens made him a darling of the press both within the country and in Europe and inflamed his enemies even further.

The skirmish between the Queen and her household continued for ten years and the go between the Queen and her employees was Dr Reid who obviously suffered the worst casualty in the war of words and veiled threats. His personal diary in fact was filled only with the pall of gloom that lay over the Queen's household over this issue.

Apart from showing the close relationship the Queen had with her Munshi Shrabani also provides detailed insight into the intricate social protocols of the time that existed amongst the highest echelons of the British Empire and how Abdul and even the Queen blundered and broke many of the sacred rules and ruffled the feathers of the lords.

The detailed research that Shrabani Basu did for this book both in Britain and in Agra has also been narrated in a matter of fact yet delightful manner.

The book till the end was intense and hard to put down. Its a must buy even for those who are not interested in history.

Young Home Maker's Pension and Retirement Industry

Sumanth — Thu, 4 Feb 2010 04:46:25 EST

Economic deprivation of women in India is well documented. It is well known that women do not get a share of property from their parents in India even though the inheritance laws are made gender neutral now. Women who are widowed or divorced with children are considered as burdens on their parent’s and brothers.

Women who play the role of home makers do not get a salary every month. Let’s ask, do they get retirement benefits and pension, when they retire from the role of home makers ?

That’s an interesting question. As we explore the answers to this question, slowly some interesting and shocking facts will come to light.

Most companies have a provident fund (PF or in US 401k) for their employees, where the employee and the employer make a contribution. As an employee retires after many years of work, his PF or 401k amount grows to a big amount of money, a part of which he utilises to have a monthly income or pension. A person gets pension only when he or she works for a long time, often for two or three decades. If a person leaves a job in two or three years, he virtually gets nothing as the money in his PF or 401k is very less. Now, let us see how it works for home makers in India.

Aneef (name changed) is 26 year old software Engineer and is married. His home maker wife Najma (name changed) quit after 6 months of marriage and went back to her parent’s place in Delhi. The court at Delhi awarded her a pension of Rs.25,000/- (USD 550) per month from her employer, i.e. her husband Aneef. Well, in legal jargon, this pension is called “interim maintenance”.

Wow!! No other job anywhere else in the world will provide a person with such a huge pension for a short career of 6 months. Interestingly, a woman who has worked for 25 years as a home maker would also have got the same or lesser pension per month, if she had quit her role as a home maker.

So, earlier you quit the marriage, the better it is. Now I am enlightened.
In fact, a judge gets a pension of Rs.25,000/- per month after working for 30 long years. The young home maker has a chance to get that much pension for a career of just 6 months.

This thoughtless progressivism has inspired a lot of old men. At the first opportunity of their daughter complaining about her husband on a trivial issue, they motivate her to quit the marriage and claim pension from her young husband, trained in all possible soft skills in the world. Staying in marriage is a struggle for young women. They are expected to cook, clean and maintain good relation with interfering in-laws without any pay. Separation is profitable as you get Rs.25,000/- for doing absolutely nothing. One can just lie on a sofa, watch TV at papa’s home and get all those free bucks in your bank account every month. In fact, your husband pays an additional Rs.10,000 as tax to Government before he transfers Rs.25,000 to your bank account. This tax money goes to pay salaries to the police, the judiciary and the law makers.

If the employer of home maker (or husband) cannot pay this pension (or interim maintenance) due to bankruptcy, then he can be simply thrown in jail or can be told to sell his kidneys or even beg, borrow and steal money to pay you. A man in Punjab asked the court to allow him to sell of his kidneys as he was unable to pay two different pensions to his wife.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Punjab-Man-wants-to-sell-kidney-to-pay-alimony/articleshow/4938839.cms

I am further enlightened. I am really inspired to employ a home maker in my home.

This thinking comes from old law makers, who have absolutely nothing personal at stake. They have one leg in the grave and have got nothing to lose.

Bangalore based Software Executive Raveesh’s (name changed) wife of 1.5 years wanted to quit marriage. In the court, she claimed Rs.1 crore (USD 220,000) as one time retirement benefit, which is termed as Alimony in legal jargon.

Here is the conversation I had with Raveesh:

Me : “what is the ground for her to claim this amount?”

Raveesh: “She wants Rs.30,000/- per month for next 30 years. So, it comes to about Rs.1 crore and she wants it now. In fact, after going to court she has joined a famous Multinational Company as she is an Engineer.”

Wow!! India has really progressed. I am confused, why so many young women are still staying in marriage, when they have a potential get such huge sums of retirement benefits waiting outside the door as they quit? May be a lot of young women are still not aware of all these money that they stand to gain as they quit.

However, it has become extremely rare for me to find a woman, who does not claim a huge pension or retirement benefit from her husband.

DNA India reports the story of a young wife claiming maintenance from her husband. It says(
link),

Tina has claimed the maintenance of Rs2.5 lakh (USD 5000) a month. “Because of the attitude of the respondent [Nitin], she is being deprived of higher studies,” adding that because of Nitin’s assurances she had enrolled in Simmons Woman College in Boston to pursue MBA.

2.5 lakhs income without any work just for being a young woman!!

In fact, some young home makers today go to the extent of demanding their husbands or husband’s parents to transfer their homes/properties in her name. Her father shouts, “How dare you not pay rupees one Crore and transfer your house in her name? You all ruined her life.”

Some old men even hire thugs to attack the husband and his parents. The courts look other way as such huge extortions take place. All these exorbitant claims are very well documented in court petitions submitted by women or their lawyers. Yet, the judges do not consider these as extortions (or reverse dowry) and instead tell men to go for out of court settlements with family elders and well intentioned lawyers.

The problem is not exactly with the judiciary. India is an “Old Male” dominated society. Old Males have one leg in the grave, another organ in Manusmriti and their souls live in 12th century, which makes them go crazy as they see rising separations and divorces in India. The old and stiff neural structures in their brains misfire badly when the information from cyber age enters through their dysfunctional synapses. As these old males occupy a lot of powerful positions, the social policies are getting badly screwed up.

So, these crazy old males ended up creating a process in which a young woman are rewarded with 3 or 4 lakhs (USD 6500 to 8500) every single year as pension (or maintenance) for getting separated from her young, hardworking, sincere, considerate and faithful husband.

Just the way tax breaks on home loans makes people buy homes, the high monetary rewards to get separated makes young women think of divorce without working out any differences with their spouse in a rational manner. I have also come across stories, where her old father literally blackmails and imprisons her to ensure that the relationship is completely ruined, so that she gets that pension of Rs.25,000/- per month.

Apart from insane old males, there are other vultures in this game as well.
When a pension (or interim maintenance) claim of Rs.2.4 lakhs per month is made from a husband by a woman or her lawyer, can we guess the percentage a lawyer can expect to get as commission? We estimate more than 5,00,000 separations or divorces in Indian every single year.

This is a new service industry, which employs a lot of people. There is no manufacturing; no green house gases and so many people are employed in this “Home Maker Retirement and Pension” industry.

To claim this new kind of pension, young home makers have to just approach the lawyers. First the lawyers file a lawsuit under section 125 of Hindu maintenance act demanding a huge amount of money for every month. Then, they file another lawsuit under Domestic Violence Act (DV Act) in a separate court again demanding money with the complaint that the husband has done domestic violence (economic violence) against the young hapless wife, by not giving her any money. The lawyers also coach the woman to wear a conservative dress (a Saree or a Salwar Kameez) and shed a lot of crocodile tears in the court.

Then, the family court and the domestic violence court act independently and give separate orders to the husband to give two different “pensions” (or maintenance) to the young woman. For example, the family court may order him to pay her Rs.12000/- per month as maintenance and the domestic violence court can order the man to pay Rs.8,000/- per month.

The young men go mad at such nonsense. Have you ever heard of a company giving two pensions to anyone who works for 6 months or a year? Some of these men just run to nearby multiplex to watch “Inglorious Basterds”. They are under siege from a vicious attack by the old males in the establishment. Most old males have no capacity to get educated.

Young Men ask, “Where do we ring the Bell now?”

I say WTF. A man is not an ATM Machine.

Young Husbands Protest at Nagpur Marathon:

Women in short marriages of 3 years or less deserve no pension or retirement benefits. Courts must not award any maintenance or alimony, if marriage is less than 3 years and there are no children in marriage. Women and men are equal today. At most, the husbands can be told to give the young home maker a loan for training to get a job.

The “old male” dominating society has to change. The old males have to realise that their insane behaviour in different social issues like alimony, moral policing, and individual freedom can create a serious backlash against them one day or other. The solution for them is to give up all that power they have concentrated in their hands and take up something that their senile brains can afford to handle.

Photo-Essay: HMS Belfast: The Ship That Came in From the Cold

Dr Bhaskar Dasgupta — Mon, 1 Feb 2010 19:01:29 EST

The HMS Belfast is something that is very close to my heart and mind. One of the books that has made a very deep impression on me is HMS Ulysses, by Alastair Maclean. It is about about a similar light cruiser which is on the Arctic Convoy run during World War II. It really really made a very big impression on me and was a big reason behind my choice to join the Navy. The book talks about the Arctic camouflage of broken light blue, grey, white paint, it talks about the high speed of the cruiser, the search lights, the torpedo tubes, the director tower and the pom poms - but these are just the physical manifestations of some steel and few licks of paint. What made an impression on me was the combination of utter physical extreme conditions in the freezing cold weather of the Arctic combined with mind numbing tiredness coated with fear and terror of falling bombs, falling shells, ice all around, hunger and constant constant constant gongs of action stations. How Captain Valery dies, and how the ship staggers on till the end when it fails in its mission to kill the bigger German ship.

When I first saw the ship from tower bridge many many years ago, I immediately fell in love with the ship because I could finally put myself in my bibliographic dream. This shot is not as good, as you have scaffolding all over the ship and the silly gangway breaks up the lines, but it is a sleek and beautiful ship. It is a lethal nimble ship. Sailors love some ships, and this is one of them. My HMS Ulysses came to life for me, real life. I was walking around with my mouth open, the book flicking in my mind and imaging this ship pitching and rolling in the massive Arctic Ocean Murmansk runs. The bow (now covered by scaffolding) slicing and hissing through the mountainous waves. Just look at the ship, it just looks dangerous, ready to leap into actions under bone jarring sounds of action stations even though it is moored inside a very civilised urban area in a river.

Here are the fore main turrets. 6 inch guns capable of belching out a shell which can go up to 20 kms, and the ship has 12 of these big suckers, two triple turrets in the fore and two in the aft section. Automated munitions handling (see the left side of the photo below where you can see the rows of red painted shells in the automated magazine belt) meant that the ship could lay down some serious fireworks on the designated target, guided by some pretty good (for that time) calculators, radars and other equipment, the chances of these banshee shrieking shells landing on the target was quite high.

There is a photograph on the ticket hall which shows a sea man curled up in a hammock. Looks quite cosy, but think back to those times when central heating was really not available on these steel monsters. Heating was almost nil, the steel walls would mostly be weeping condensation and coupled with the high humidity and leaks in these ships, it would be ferociously cold, high humidity, rolling and pitching, not enough food (can't really cook or distribute food when the ship is pitching and rolling up to 20-30 degrees). And then you get to sleep for 1-2 hours before the klaxon wakes you up for another action station call.

This is the aft end of the ship showing the two main turrets, the 4 inch and pom pom guns which could be used against surface and air borne targets. The round mushroom thing in the middle is a searchlight. In many ways, the searchlight was as much as a weapon as a cannon as it would help in highlighting enemies, searching for survivors or U-boats or lighting up ships which have been torpedoed. Vital piece of equipment. But imagine yourself being placed in one of these locations during the arctic convoys, out in the open, with spray reaching up to you, wet, icy, totally freezing but unable to relax as you are supposed to be one of the eyes and ears of the big ship. What a job!

The anchor chains.

A lifeboat on the right and the ship’s crane in the middle.

The main mast with radar, radio antenna, sensors, lights and the vast paraphernalia of equipment that no self respecting warship in the WW II was without. But again imagine biting cold, freezing wind, spikes and shards of ice flying almost horizontally and you are an able seaman asked to climb up to fix anything that is broken or to make signals. In extreme cold, metal becomes weak and brittle. Back in the WW II times, metallurgy was not that advanced and one would still find metal components breaking off, which meant that frequently people would have to climb up the tower to repair the equipment. This is not considering the impact of ice formation on all these moving parts. Lubricants would freeze at the sheer horribly low temperatures of the Arctic and they would use alcohol thermometers to measure the temperature, mercury would have long since frozen solid. Here is a great photo of what the ship looked like totally ice encrusted during an Arctic Convoy.
The ship also participated in other theatres of WW II, the Korean War and flew the flag in a variety of other oceans. It would have been destined to become a scrap heap oe ended up as razors but thankfully, it was protected. It is now part of the Imperial War Museum and still thrilling the millions of people who visit this famous British landmark. While you cannot visit all parts of the ship, it is well worth it to poke around, will take you about 2-3 hours. But before you visit the ship, do see if you can read the book HMS Ulysses. It will make the ship come alive for you.
Lord bless the ship and all who sailed in her. The full slide show here.