Desicritics Author: annamma

March Ahead

annamma — Mon, 9 Feb 2009 21:59:09 EST

Exam fever is setting in as March and April approach; and this seems as good a time as any to reflect on the illness, and its cures.

"Why exams?" wail generation after generation of students, as they sit up late, or get up early, depending on their cycles of alertness (which brings me to another interesting point - where are the early-morning persons these days? They seem to have died out with the ashram system).

No one can satisfactorily explain why 'exams'?

We tell those we cannot avoid, such as the ones who live in our homes, that exam are no big deal, they are merely tests of our knowledge; should be taken seriously, but only as giving us help in understanding our academic strengths and weaknesses, etc, etc. To those who say that class tests would be good enough, we say, patiently, "Yes, but its just that you need to be tested on the entire syllabus, to see whether you can connect it all up". To those who say that the questions are exactly the same as asked in class tests, with no linking up or connecting being done, we mutter, "Well, that's not the fault of the system. That's the teacher's fault. She should have set you a more innovative paper". To those who say, "What, you want her to make it even harder?" we say, not quite so patiently "Not harder, just more creative". To those who say, "This is hard enough, Ma, I've got fifteen chapters to finish by tomorrow", we snap, "Then shut up and study".

Actually, though, we agree. We heartily wish there were no exams. Think of the electricity that would be saved. Think of the coffee that would be saved, and the milk, and the sugar. Think of the movies we could watch, which we give up so as to not tempt the offspring. Think of the extra hours we could sleep, instead of waking the offspring -the same one - (at her own insistence - "Pleeeese wake me at five, dad") at five, five-fifteen, five-thirty, five forty-five, six, six-thirty, seven. Think of the other things we could do with our precious leaves, rather than using them to ferry the offspring to their exam centres. Think of the struggles we go through, attempting NOT to say, "Well, what did you expect?" or "Right, sure" with amusement when the offspring wail, "I could have done much better if only I'd studied so-and-so chapter a bit better" or "If only I'd studied chapter three in the morning instead of chapter four". Think of the heroic efforts we put into NOT asking, "How much did Payal (Topper in class, but only because 'she only studies, ma, NOTHING else') get? And I still have not yet experienced the horror of nation-wide entrance exams which I am sure would throw up a lot of further interesting things I'd rather NOT do....:-)

Well, (shrug) back to the parade. Chin up, shoulders back, and march on...

Mangalore: Special Insider's Report by PM, Head of the SRSena

annamma — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:36:41 EST

A report on our heroic actions in Protecting Indian culture

What, you are tired of reading about our sanskriti? How unpatriotic of you! I do not accept that. Unless you want me to send our Moral Sena to your house, kindly do not speak against Indian sanskriti. Do you not know that we have the oldest, the most holy, the most family-oriented sanskriti in the world? We - my friends and I - will defend our sanskriti against all such pseudo-secular people as you; we are not scared even if you are girls. We will deal with all who threaten Indian culture. I think the majority of people on Desicritics will need to be dealt with. Some are all alright, we will spare them.

Yes, so let me describe to you our heroic feat in Mangalore. We understood from some time that immoral activities were going on in this pub. You say it was a lounge bar? I do not understand what is a lounge; we were told it is a pub. We do not want all these pubs; imagine men and women mixing together shamelessly, drinking foreign liquor, and the girls wearing short skirts, and lipstick. This is not Bharatiya sanskriti. Only toddy should be drunk, and only men can drink. And no mixing. If you want to see girls, go and see a Bollywood movie. They wear short skirts also, and lipstick; there's no need to see real girls.

And dancing! We heard there was dancing going on there sometimes also. That was when we decided to take action. How can we permit such goings-on? You want to dance, go to a wedding, go with the barat. Or go to a religious festival, and dance with the procession. Or go and see a Bollywood movie, where there are so many nice dances. Even Tollywood will do. But to go to a pub, and dance, boys and girls together. That is not permitted in Indian sanskriti.

So we went to the pub, thirty of us. There were some guys with cameras who came with us, I don't know why. They said they wanted to get photos; I thought OK, since if our brave effort is aired on TV, more people would be warned about how dangerous these things are for Indian culture, and also our party leaders would be pleased, and they would know I am the right guy to lead our area shakha. Also, I had left another party which also carries out such activities, and it is always good to let the competition know your capability.

You should have seen those girls. Sitting and standing there so shamelessly, pretending to be so innocent. Pretending that they were just having lunch! They were wearing jeans and shirts, imagine. I gave the order to get them out. Two of the pub employees tried to stop us, huge fellows, but we were able to deal with them. Then the girls started running, but good thing, we were so many they were no match for us. Two of us caught one girl, she had a fancy bob cut, we slapped her so hard she started crying. It is better she cries now, than later, right? One fell down, and we pushed her out. Another had her hair all down her back, long hair, the shameless hussy. We beat her, too. She didn't dare show her face to us, just ran. I told you, they were no match for our brave volunteers.

Molesting? What molesting? We did not molest anyone. When the Hindu said we groped a girl, it is all lies by these pseudo-secular newspapers. We had to hold them tightly to force them to get out of the place, that's all. By God, it was all in a brotherly way.

I am really glad I have done my bit for Indian sanskriti. I do not mind if I have to go to jail. No cost is too high for keeping our sanskriti pure. What is our next project? Good question. I am thinking of getting together some volunteers and stopping the karate classes being held in the convent school near our shakha. It is shameful the way they are teaching karate to our children. Violence is not part of our sanskriti.

The Indian Constitution and Religion

annamma — Thu, 2 Oct 2008 13:07:11 EDT

Our Constitution is the longest in the world, and that creates a problem - very few of us have ever read it completely.

We study some portions of it in school and college, but unfortunately, it comes under the subject "civics", which as every school student knows is an "easy" subject, meant only for scoring marks. We mug up several chapters, hardly bothering to think through them, and regurgitate them for the exams. We may score 80 or 90%, but can pass out from school/ college with very little actual understanding of what being an Indian actually grants each of us, as we decided for ourselves in the Constituent Assembly.

(I'm no better, by the way. I didn't know, till recently, for instance, that the Preamble (which was the one part of the Constitution I thought I knew!) is strictly speaking, not legally enforceable. It is merely the preamble!)

So with the recent on-going riots large in my troubled thoughts, I turned to what our Constitution actually says about religion.

These are a few things :

1. We declared ourselves to be a secular country. That means we have no state religion. Rather than the western "separation of church and state" way of defining secularism, however, India has historically looked at secularism as non-discrimination by the state between religions, or treating all religions alike. However, our practise of this has been grossly flawed. We have certainly treated followers of religions differently from one another, as in pilgrimage subsidies, or many relgious holidays for one religion, and so on, and now the idea of reservations in government jobs for followers of a particular religion. It maybe too late to change now, but I wonder if it would not have worked better if the government just kept out of religious things. No subsidies, no holidays (only two/ three national holidays, all the rest to be restricted, each person taking as per need). No asking religion on government forms, whether in school/ college/ offices. No question, at all, of relgion-based reservation.

2. We granted each other personal liberty and the right to live with dignity. Killing, burning each other's homes, targetting any group for their religion or beliefs, not allowing people of a certain relgion to live in a place - these are all practises against the Constitution. (All these have happened in many places - in cosmopolitan Mumbai, even, after the riots, and now in Orissa).

3. We laid down that our government would not discriminate between citizens on the grounds of religion. In practise, not quite true. Unofficial practises like Governments routinely appointing one minister from each minority religion, as a form of tokenism, still continue. Even in the present anti-Christian riots in Orissa/ Karnataka, the comparitive silence of the government and the powers that be is rather sad. Fifty poeple have died, thousands of homes burnt, hundreds of churches vandalised, and thousands of citizens are in camps, or hiding in jungles. Yet there have been few visits, few conciliatory statements; could the vote factor have anything to do with it, we cynically think? In contrast, we cannot help noticing that the stampede in a Jodhpur relgious place had ministers and politicians of all hues rushing to register their presence and concern.

4. We granted each other freedom of conscience and the right to preach, practise and propogate religion. It is this that seems to be challenged most often, going to ridiculous extents as in the Rajasthan "freedom of religion" Bill (badly named?) which includes talking of "divine displeasure" as a coercive form of conversion, rather than a Constitutitonally permitted preaching of a religious belief. The Constitution grants us freedom to practise any religion of our choice, and also to preach and propogate, ie, make a religion known, with the consequence that others may be convinced by our preaching and may convert. Propogation here means that we can each talk about our religious beliefs (even if others think they are bizarre) distribute religious literature, arrange meetings and so on. If someone chooses to convert following exposure to such propogation, it is not going against the Constitution - by corollary, the propogator cannot be blamed. We need to be mature and recognise this freedom for all, without getting all uptight and anxious about a few people converting this way or that. If we are worried about bizarre beliefs gaining ascendancy, or forced conversions, or a slander on our religion, or a loss of our own way of life, (all of which sometimes may be legitimate concerns) the solution is to write and talk more about it, exposing fakes and nonsense if necessary, or even take the slanderer or libeller to court - killing and burning on this account is NOT okay - it is the sign of a brutish, under-developed democracy.

Hoping for a gracious and objective discussion...

One-track Minds?

annamma — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:27:53 EDT

My daughters (and they are not the only young girls I have heard talking this way) were watching some (silly) television serial yesterday and called me to watch a "very funny" sequence. The (silly) hero and heroine, or maybe they were not the h and h; anyway, these two blondes were taking their marraige vows. My daughters found them hilarious, I found them hilarious, too but also nauseatingly sexist. Thats when my daughters more or less told me (Me! :-)) not to be silly, and suggested I have a one-track mind, finding inequality and sexism everywhere. This is just funny, they asserted.

What i found idiotic was that the blonde he-man after spouting some sentimental tripe, then said he was taking the blonde girl as his first mate for the ship of their life, etc, etc. 'You fill in details', as the Thai king told the governess.

The blonde girl then spouts some sentimental stuff on her side, and says she would take him as her captain in the ship of their life, or whatever. You fill in...after you finish throwing up.

Tell me if thats not sexist. (To remind you - In their silly vows, he's captain, and she's first mate - thats cool, is it? No subtle, or not-so-subtle, egoism or sexism or inequality coming through here?? Oh no, its just funny :-))

Musing about it, I realise this is actually happening exactly because some of my generation of women (and also men) did keep a very sharp eye open for sexism, and we fought it, in whatever way we could, specially seeing that our kids should not face such issues. Our kids have benefited from that, so much so, that sexism is just not an issue with them, not even for our girls! They don't see it, even when its obvious, because it has not happened to them. It certainly doesn't bother them much. They think a lot of it is a joke, or that mama is over-reacting, or has a bee in her bonnet. Much as many men cannot see why abuse, or patriarchy should disturb women, many young GIRLS these days cannot see that women are still treated as second-class citizens - because THEY are not, at home,and have yet to face the world outside which will cause them to change their tone, sharpish, I predict. They have been treated as valued human beings, given choices, taught to use their minds. They haven't been compared to anyone, or felt the difference in how siblings/students are treated based on gender. In a country of twenty million missing girls, they are confident, secure, happy, blessed. (And ignorant!)

And while I realise that is a compliment to my generation's parenting (some of them, that is!), its still got to be changed.

For one, their patronising us hurts. So I see sexism - but only where it exists! I didn't imagine or make up that captain-first mate stuff - some serial script-writer did. It apparently passed by many people without comment. The inherent inequality in such a relationship, and the take-for-granted male superiority being manifested is behind the times, and irritating. And then to be told that I (Me! :-)) have the problem is seriously not funny.

Secondly, is a little gratitude wanting here? This generation is taking us just a little too much for granted, methinks. If it was not for that equality-and-justice-bee-in-our-collective-bonnets, my dear youngsters, you would have been aborted, just as soon as your ultrasound revealed your little female fetus shapes. You'd have joined some twenty million other female babies who never saw the light of day. And if you were born, you'd have had to share your mama and papa and their (in our case, non-existent!) fortunes with seven more children as we hunted for the perfect number of boys to round off our family, rather than stopping with just one or two girls, who we want to bring up well. We'd have sent you to a tiny school around the corner, instead of finding you nice schools where you learned all this confidence you throw back at us, now. We'd have taught you how to cook, instead of taking you for outlandish and expensive hobbies ranging from piano class to flying and horse-riding. We'd have practiced home remedies on you, ad infinitum, instead of taking you to doctors whenever you were seriously unwell. We'd not have encouraged your dreams of making it to IIT, MBA, or PhD courses, we'd have suggested some tailoring courses before marriage, and maybe encouraged you to learn how to look pretty.

Oh, well. At least they've been lucky enough to not know discrimination so far.

Star-light and Angel Song

annamma — Tue, 4 Dec 2007 13:22:40 EST

Ok, I’ll confess; I’m a Christian. There, now it's out. :-)

I want to find some common ground to write about Christmas with all you guys; something which will spread peace and goodwill, and not the other way around.

Christmas, for me, is beautiful. I know for many of you Diwali must be like that. Indian Christians celebrate it very simply, usually with family and friends; we don’t exchange gifts but do give gifts to kids and those we are responsible for. We don’t all have trees, but most would have a lighted star outside the house. I have only happy childhood memories of Christmas. Perhaps the love and good vibes among people got knitted into the memories like a splash of vivid colours in a sweater.

Perhaps it’s the food - cake and curry - which arouse emotional memories and make Christmas evoke pleasure! Perhaps it's remembered sounds: the singing, the laughter. Oh, I don't know! Our brains are so amazing and peculiar; God only knows the actual explanation. All I know is, Christmas for me, and many, is a happy time of being with people and sharing.

The other side which is also important, though I am interested in knowing how you relate to this - Christmas, for me, is surreal. Magical. Mysterious and wonderful. Again, not quite sure why. Is it the singing, which we surround our homes and churches with, which transports one into a dream world, and makes us see life as it could be – a world where God loves us, and comes to relate to us, and we all respond to Him and to each other in love. ? A world of peace and good will. A perfect, beautiful world. A world of star-light and angel song. Is it the amazing, almost weird idea of God-with-us, the Creator coming as a helpless baby? Is it because we go out at night in the season, whether for midnight service, or carol rounds, and so on, and the night air, the cold, the fog, and the dim lights are conducive to such thoughts? Or could it be that in the silence of the midnight hour, we hear angel song that the day usually drowns out?

Whatever. In a world of violence and war, Christmas re-kindles hope in me. So I’ll start off the season by wishing you all peace and goodwill, and may you all hear the angels sing.

Mothers Who Die And Wives Who Fast

annamma — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 10:44:27 EDT

India has the highest number of maternal deaths per year - a whopping 1.17 lakh women die every year in India bearing children. This is almost double the number for the country coming in second - Nigeria with 59,000; and almost three and four times the number for the countries coming in third and fourth - Congo with 32,000 and Afghanistan with a measly 26,000 dead mothers. These figures were released by WHO earlier this month.

The irony is that in no other country is marriage and motherhood venerated so much. Marriage is our highest calling, and family, motherhood and "ma" are sacred archetypes. Right at this moment, millions of women from North India are breaking the full-day fast, which they keep for the welfare, prosperity and long life of their husbands.

The fast is no easy one, yet they keep it with zeal, and make a religious and social duty and also, a pleasure out of it. Bollywood movies turn Karva Chauth into an intense emotional moment, with the camera focusing in turn on moon, sieve and husband's face. While I get a trifle impatient of the sexism behind Karva chauth, certainly, there is no denying the devotion behind many women's sincere prayers for their husbands.

Yet, I cannot help but ask - haven't we got the shoe on the wrong foot? Going by our shocking statistics of maternal death rates in childbirth, shouldn't it be our husbands who should be fasting for our welfare, prosperity, and most important, for our lives to be at least slightly longer?

Arranged Marriages - Too Good to Throw Away

annamma — Thu, 4 Oct 2007 00:42:58 EDT

While Indians turn increasingly to dating as a means of finding their spouse, the West, ironically, is turning to arranged marriages, as several of them see the defects of the dating system.

I must admit i see them, too. In fact, I think we are really lucky that we have so much support in our country as we do when it comes to finding one's life-partner. In the West, people must contrive places to meet the other sex, and when they do, they must get up the initiative to choose someone on their own (not an easy task) and then, must get up the courage to approach the person and ask them out (a real agonising process for the shy and quiet ones). Girls are still largely asked out instead of asking; if they are interested, they have to learn the language/art of encouragement so that the guy they choose understands that he has been chosen! Rather horrible.

Both parties have to feel some kind of positive interest, simultaneously (also not inevitable), rather than what is brought out so tragi-comically in Four Weddings ( A likes B who likes C...). Emotional and physical closeness develop, often before the decision to pair for life has been made at all, and so important is the "love" part that either party can call it off, anytime, because the "love" part went away, and then the trauma of the break-up! It plays havoc with one's self-esteem and one's heart and mind bear the imprints of the affair for long.

While our arranged marriage system can be weird too, I have seen the best of it, so still think it comes out better in comparison. My parents, for instance, were seriously concerned only about my happiness; they were willing to compromise on community, family status and so on (the usual gods Indians worship); they took all my choices into account when looking for someone for me; they asked my older friends for help; they were completely discreet and I never felt like the world was looking at me; they gave me the final decision, and gave me as much privacy as I wanted to meet the guy, and didn't put pressure on me to say yes (after one early disaster where they did that, and the guy's father later asked for dowry; i am happy to report my father broke the matter off directly, saying he was not interested in buying his daughter a husband; hehe).

Best of all, at least for me, I like to decide things with my head, not my heart - in an arranged marriage one can decide this vital matter without one's emotions in a tizzy. How can a girl decide that a particular guy is not likely to be faithful, if she is already beguiled by his sweet talk and sweet kisses? How can a guy make an objective decision about a girl, that, perhaps, she is a little silly or money-minded, if she is already looking deep into his eyes, close enough to set his heart racing with her scent?

This, strangely enough, is what people in the West are coming to realise, but its no easy matter for them to go against popular culture where love and romance play such a strong role. For us, the arranged marriage system is a good social support system that we have. It spares us a lot of needless pain and social agony. Yes, it needs to be improved, and handled wisely, and that is each of our responsibility, for ourselves and when it comes to our children, but its much too good to be thrown away.

My Character Flaw

annamma — Thu, 4 Oct 2007 00:24:19 EDT

I have what amounts to a major character flaw. I care very little about my appearance. Note that I did not say that I do not care about my appearance. It's just that I care less than most, or what the heck, less than all my friends. But can I help it if all my friends are narcissitic and superficial?

This flaw is inherited; it came straight through in the genetic package my parents handed me. Unfortunately, the recessive genes they were hiding chose to come out in my other siblings, who are all extremely smart, or rather, superficial and narcissistic.

In childhood, it wasn't my fault if I was a shade scruffy. It could always be cheerfully passed off as my mom's fault. Now that I have kids myself, and a scruffy pair they are, too, I realise how unfair and ridiculous such blame of a mother is; after all, each person, young or old is responsible for themselves.

In college, I managed to pass off with the rest of the crowd because anyway no one expected collegians to wear anything except jeans, and it was at the time fashionable for others to do what was natural to me - manage with one or two pairs of jeans and three or four T-shirts. For the occasional party/ formal day, my mom's sarees were good enough, and she got used to them being returned with rips and tears here and there. I still wonder whether that was why she always gave me her oldest sarees. However, that again was fashionable, like my roommate wearing her grandma's lehenga to her wedding; the older something was the more antique and valuable and blah-blah.

When I began my working life, though, things changed. I like cotton sarees, and wear them sometimes to work. A couple of my nurse friends, however, asked me with the air of having been wanting to ask for a long time "What's wrong with your blouse?" They were Malayalis, and no one wears saris better than Malayali nurses. (I think they can get sarees to do their bidding, much like snake-charmers with their snakes.) Their objection to my blouse was that it was not well fitting enough. Me, I like to breathe, and anyway was in the down phase of my weight yo-yo, and had not bothered to correct my blouses. I displeased the ladies exceedingly.

Since then, that pattern has continued. I may be neat and tidy enough, but never, sigh, never do I reach that level of sartorial elegance that my friends would like. Either my kameez is too simple, or they complain that my dupatta does not bring out the strongest shade in the pattern. They do not like my wearing flat heels with pants, or sarees, insisting that both need high heels. They brush aside my protest that heels are for parties, and flats for better for working days. "You have to be able to bear a little discomfort to look good," says my friend K sternly. When I suggest that my back is more important than looking good, they exchange resigned glances.

Oh, and make-up and accessories! Can I help it if my friends spend most of their monthly income on these trivialities? One of my friends has a cupboard full of junk jewellery, and a roomful of bags, and shoes. I am all admiration for the effort she puts into buying the pretty things (they are really cute, her bags, and ear-rings), keeping them organised and dusting and cleaning that room, but I have not the least desire to buy another bag; this one should do for another year, I think; and I still have another month before I change my ear-rings (I usually change them once in two months or so).

And it is NOT that I do not wear make-up, why i still have that lipstick I bought for the christmas party five years ago. However, I do think that fashion and make-up is rather a sexist thing; why, should only women have to painfully pull out their hair in one place, and painfully attach hair in another? Why do we alone have to colour our lips (and now our hair) to what is seen as an "attractive' colour? Whats wrong with black, anyway? And my lips are a nice brown, why should I colour them red? My friends, of course, are so deceived by the superficial sexist world they inhabit that they do not appreciate the depth of my objections. They roll their eyes, and make rude commecnts about my character flaw, while continuing shrieking as they wax their legs.

The Monster In My Computer

annamma — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 11:49:14 EDT

I read an article about a man who complained that his washing machine had a sock-gobbling demon. Western societies have this archetype of monsters under beds, and the nightmares they cause kids. Don’t know why, but sock-gobbling monsters and under-the-bed monsters stay away from our washing machines, beds, our homes and our sub-conscious. But unfortunately, we have no dearth of monsters. One that I find very commonly in many middle-class Indian homes is the monster who hides in the computer. Mine is one such. Sigh.

This monster is not unknown elsewhere, but in Indian homes is almost invariable. Every computer in our country turns into a home for these creatures.

The monster occasionally arrives in the cardboard carton the computer arrives in, but often does not show itself immediately. So for a while, all is well. Things are running peacefully, the computer is on the whole day. Kids play Road Rash and Age of Empires on it, and Mama, Aunty, and sometimes even dadi-mas learn to check e-mail, skype their kids in the US, share photos, and check a few recipes on it. The more tech- savvy adolescents or yuppies do their homework, research, shop for I-pods, and keep connected to their friends through Orkut.

Then suddenly the monster roars. The computer blinks, and starts flashing sullen messages : Your --- (put any of letters a to z) highlighted areas in an a error state! Please pay immediate attention! Most users look at the options doubtfully, make a mental note to do something about it, or ask Prakash who works at TCS, and go right back to Yahoo! Games.

The monster grins to itself, and advances stealthily forwards. The computer suddenly flashes a message threatening immediate closure unless you do something. Not able to make much sense of any of the options listed, you back off, terminate the message hesitantly; then blink in surprise as the message re-surfaces. The monster is alive…it will not allow itself to be pushed away.

Soon the monster is going great guns. All sorts of screen messages arrive, and disappear. You discover that you have spyware, that Windows has detected some activity in your computer, and you have to do something straight away. Strange problems are encountered and Windows threatens to shut down immediately, warning you that you will lose all unsaved data. You discover a clever way to prevent that, (you think! Ha, that’s what you think) by moving the offending notice bodily away from your screen. It works----for a good two minutes. The monster cannot be so easily beaten.

Very soon, the monster has taken over your computer. You try to work, but have to pause every few minutes to delete messages that spring up from all sides. You try to connect to the internet, but have to shut down and re-start every few minutes. The monster is grinning and advancing closer to your hard disk every moment.

Your only hope is the unlikely knight in shiny shirt and trousers. He is skinny and be-spectacled, and one would back the monster against him any day; but with a few clicks of the mouse, he has dismantled the innards of your computer, gone into the monster’s lair, and delivered the thrust to the heart. Oh, joy!

But alas! The monster has laid a few eggs, and they hatch in a disgustingly short gestation period and mini-monsters are roaring again among your files and folders.
Sigh. Delete, click. Knight, you around?