The Brits Are Not Racist or Discriminatory!

i dont know what to say, we brown bags are unwelcome guests :) how can we be hosts?

If they do the same thing with an white American or french host, I would completely agree to you that they cannot be arsed. Other wise they are plain fucking racist :) or xenophobic. You decide!

I feel sorry for you on this. I hope more Lakshmi Mittals change the outlook on Desis.

Brown bag should be read as brown ppl (i use brown bag as my "nigga brotha" phrase)

whoa, DG, coming on a bit strong!!!, lol lol lol.

I find doing the daddy taxi service the most boring job, and find generating intense feelings for other dads and mums a tedious task. Mind you, some of those mums are NICE!!! :)

ROFL, DG - that's some mighty cool fish people. Next time try inviting the kids home and leave the parents home. They'll probably remember you as the woman who took their kids on for a couple of hours and be properly thankful.

Can quite see how you feel. At the same time it's not much different in India is it? Those belonging to the "lower sections" are pretty much invisible to the higher ups. Excpet when you want something from them, in the way of service.

I find it very easy to bridge cultural gaps with the British. They are well read, have a passion for travel and gardening, and a fantastic sense of humour. I have never been to a party where I am closeted with other Indians, while there are other 'white-only' groups. Perhaps this is because I make the effort to go out there and converse, and what's more converse intelligently on things that the other person is interested in. In a group of mums, whose children go to the same school, I find it hard to believe that you couldnt find common points of conversation. Indians, I'm sorry to say, tend to congregate into little enclaves, and speak their own mother tongue, so anyone else is thoroughly excluded from it. At parties, Indian women make little huddles (preferably in the kitchen) while the men cluster around the bar. But to break this, all you need is 2-3 men and women who will socialise with everyone and break the tight huddles. I think if you live in the UK, you need to learn to understand the majority culture, familiarise yourself with it, and find ways to manage social situations. Next time this happens, I'd recommend you round up some friends who are more sociable/gregarious, and put them in charge of conversation and mixing.

- Deepa

Deepa,
I think you are being a bit judgemental here. I don't know the sort of Brits you have met; if they are the ones who make the trip to India, am sure they'd go out of their way to talk to you etc. I've got no hassles with my colleages - I am the only Indian in an office of 80 Brits.
In the case of my son's party, I did mention that I tried my best to circulate, talk to the guests etc. The only desis there were our cousins and a close friend, who were playing hosts as well and were doing the same routine. So, we did try your recommendation ("I'd recommend you round up some friends who are more sociable/gregarious, and put them in charge of conversation and mixing.")

Ams,
Tell me about it, yaar. Why do these things happen to me? *wail* For next party, I can get away with inviting P's closest mates. *phew*

Uma,
Of course! Desi crowds are no better. Did you read my previous post about our get-togethers? Or maybe it is just me! (Er, feel free to disagree, folks!!)

DG, you poor thing:) Time you moved to US of A and met some nice non desis mommies who'd love to fix play dates with your little one.

People in America are politically correct and warm. I have only good words to put in for them.

I could give so many instances when people we barely knew helped us out.

As far as those uptight people are concerned - Who cares. Its a reflection of their insular thinking.

PS: Maybe this post should be printed in the school newsletter ;)

I work one week every month in the UK, and I have been associated with projects and people in the UK for the past 10 years or so. I really think the British are very polite in social situations and will observe form, participate, etc. Americans will do that as well, but in a more informal chatty way. But sometimes what happens is that the crowd gets segregated into white and brown, and then it all goes downhill from there. That happens in the US as well, I have been witness to some of those. In my opinion, it happens more when there are less 'Westernised' Indians in the group, for example, non-working Indian women, with less command over conversational English, who find it difficult to handle the entire embarassing situation. I'm not even remotely implying that you are one of those :) and I apologise if I sounded judgemental.

In my earlier reply, I was not talking about tourists. Honestly, though, the English really make the best tourists. They are genuinely interested in what you have to say, and are absorbing the stuff around them, instead of looking for the nearest Starbucks.

- Deepa

I'm looking for the nearest Starbucks, especially one with a drive-through!

What I wouldn't give for a misto with hazelnut...

Aaman, the nearest one is four hours by flight. Believe there's one in Singapore. Worth it?

If in India wait till this year end for Starbucks, long wait huh :(

Read this in Economic Times a few weeks back on a report related to Colman Cuff, one of the Starbucks Director in an interview in Bangalore...

Dee,
Thanks, babe :) You know my rant about women in cliques? Well, at the end of the party, my thot was 'bloody hell, it was MY party and I'M the one who ended up feeling like the outcast AGAIN!' I am ranting and raving about it at work as well and the whole thing has got me so riled, am afraid I am just royally pissed off, two days later. I was actually suggested by a colleage to 'give them a bit of leeway'. Well, how about one of them bloody give me a frigging break too???

Ooh I like that about the newsletter - sort of name and shame eh? I like the idea but it might affect P! He has been invited to a couple of birthdays and tea evenings so far - don't want him to be ostracized as well!!!

Deepa,
What can I say? It must be me - I must be doing something to turn them off!! :) But I tell ya, S's cuz who speaks 'bulter english' has a better time with her fellow school mums than me! I am stumped! I swear - I say hello to whoever I see everyday and go to the coffee mornings and STILL get the frozen treatment.

And you know the funniest thing about this is, I shall get the same treatment once I go back home too! Watch this space: a few years from now, I will be writing posts, moaning and groaning about Chennai school politics!!

DG

its your left/right hand issue! :)

cheers

bd

In India a person from one state is unable to get admission in goevernment colleges & universities in the neighbouring state unless they are a native of the state. So its ironic why should somone go to a totally different COUNTRY in another CONTINENT and complain of discrimination ???

Admit the White man is superior to the Brown man. In India the people volunatrily elect a foreign born white European woman as their leader, even though 1.1 billion of their brown brothers and sisters are available.......which is not been observed in any other country. Thus the Brown man themselves admit the superiority of the White man.

DG, your post reminded me of an episode from Desperate Housewives where one of them tried her best to fit in with the school mommies and was miserable till she realized they really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

As far as not fitting in is concerned there always are social occasions we all have to suffer, grit our teeth and become wall flowers and at other times become the rage of the parties.

Still, its hard when faced with racism even when we know it isn't about us.

Let them live with their frozen smiles. Drop P to school give them a mouthful of cheerful grin and watch them blink. Its kind of fun to watch people squirm under the brilliance of a sunny temperament:)

Zorgon, even in the US instate students pay lower tuition fees than those who come from other states. Thats not discrimination but giving local students a chance over more qualified students from larger cities, etc.

And, Klong,unless I missed something, Sonia hasn't been elected leader of anything other than the Congress Party, which is valid by their party constitution.

Macaca and lovin' it!

Aaman, people vote expecting that the leader of the party will be automatically proposed for PM. Well she would have been made PM by the Congress except for the hue and cry by the BJP about "foreign born" issue.

Aaman - paying extra fees maybe okay....but can one change ones "native state" for admissions as "other states" are considered almost like a seperate nationality !

Klong - and yet, for all the hue and cry, watch how nobody will bother actually making it a law that you have to be born in india to become the PM. hypocrites all. Also ironic - in the States they're debating whether they should change that law and allow naturalized citizens to run for president.

Zorgon - in the states? Yes, you can change your "native" state. Its called a change in residence and its done all the time. In fact, you can even run for political office in a state other than the one you were born in or spent a significant part of your life in. eg: Hillary Clinton.

PS - are you guys twins or something? Just want to know.

Klong

Only about 25% voted for Madam Gandhi's party.

DG

I hate saying this but didn't u anticipate something like this would happen? Everytime I meet a britt I start of with the worst premise and then see how it goes. Some of these britts do take a lot of time to open up and when they do some of them are like us- regular folks. Unless of course all the women you invited had spouses working for hedge funds :) (and their recently acquired bonuses)

rgds

Klong

Just to correct, I did not intend to use the word 'madam' in a respectful way.

BD:
et tu? cheers, mate! :)

Dee,
You speak sooth, girl! I shall dazzle them with my colgate smile. THey'd probably just 'walk on by...'. Like S says, I should stop expecting them to be nice, then I will be fine.

Chandra,
Nah! I thot ' give respect and take respect'.

Deepa #6 & 10,

You sound very bourgeois. May be it is the working class chip on my shoulder...You know the words you have used to describe the Brits:-'well read', 'fantastic sense of humour', 'very polite', 'observe form', 'participate' and so on and the words you have used to describe Indians, especially Indian women- 'less Westernised', 'non working', 'less command over conversational English'

That in itself shows the subservient attitude (of some) of the Indian bourgoisie. Still trying to please the Memsahibs.

The key word Deepa is acceptance! that is accepting us for who we really are...We do not want to be little brown Brits.

Besides, there are, (I'm sure you know better than I, as I am neither Indian nor British)Brits whose command over their own language is far worse. (than any one blogging in this site) Look at David Beckham for Goodness sake!

I mean, really, Deepa are you trying to say there is something wrong with us? These are the typical symptoms of battered people you know...where the victim thinks that the subjugator is right and there is something wrong with him.

Anyway the point is there are some of us who are still in denial of the fact that there is racism. We still want (badly)to be accepted.

And I cannot understand why DesiGirl went through all that trouble to invite these people...who are virtually strangers...I thought you are supposed to invite freinds for your birthday parties!?

Die Hard,
I invited my son's friends as it was his birthday party and as they are children, the parents remained as a sort of package deal.

DesiGirl, Quite a raw deal I must say...

Die Hard - You are welcome to your opinion!

Deepa,
I wonder how you do it - when someone pokes holes through your thoughts, how you can be so mature and shrug it off! To me, it sounds like the bugle call for war!
Miles to go before I grow up, methinks!!

Bourgeois means someone whose "status or power comes from employment, education, and wealth as opposed to aristocratic origin". Of course I'm bourgeois. I don't need Die Hard to tell me that!

I'm also many other labels. I'm feminist, socialist, intellectual, argumentative, and opinionated :) Again, I know this already, so what the heck. Why debate with Die Hard?

I stated a fact - i.e. there are many Indian women in the UK who can't speak English well enough to socialise with the British.

Die Hard used that to make up his mind that:
a) I have a subservient attitude
b) I'm trying to please the Brits.
c) I'm displaying symptoms of a battered subjugated person.
d) I'm denying there is racism
e) I think Indians should be brown Brits

Of course, he isn't really saying all the above, I'm just having a bit of fun extrapolating like crazy from his comment! In any case, whether he is saying all those things or not, what do I say in response? And what is the point of it? In the first place, I haven't stopped smiling over his assessment yet :)

Deepa,
I see you are havinga lot of fun thinking I am a "HE". In fact I am a "SHE". And I am smiling too:)

So you are inter alia, a self proclaimed bourgeois.(and seems to be proud of the fact too!)

When I said 'you sound very bourgeois' I meant in the Karl Marx sense. I remember mentioning about my proletariat chip on the shoulder...

Hmmm..wonder how you manage being 'bourgeois' and 'socialist' at the same time..!?

My point was and is there are funny, well mannered, intelleigent, femnist, socialist Indian women who means nothing but well (like our poor DG)who has to put up with racial discrimination on daily basis in the UK.

C'mon....why should everyone go and live in another country and complain of racism ? How many people from the USA, UK, Germany, Japan, Russia, Korea, Sweden etc..... want to come and live in South Asia or Africa ? So why do those from 3rd world countries desperately want to go and live in the West....perhaps because life is a light-year better there ? Improve things in your own home countries first instead of complaining, so that the citizens are happy to remain there and thus migration can be reduced.

NOG!!!!

Life is not a life year better than back home :-(

In fact it is worse!!!!


rgds