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Bollywood in April - Part 1
Desi Train
The end of March sees a flood of movies hitting the screens. Supposedly movies are held back during the school exams. As far as I remember I would end up watching more movies during my exams than otherwise.
But then that was us.
And I strongly advise you to not follow the oz way in case you are a student and addicted to Desi Train (bad bad bad). Following the oz path may see you getting your degree and ending up in Osaka selling fabrics from India or in Sendai discussing quality of Indian shrimps (Memo Jog: you graduated as an engineer).
The worst case scenario could be that you end up doing a Chinese country liquor "campe" at about 11am with your Chinese buyers in Hong Kong over the latest deal you just inked on the sale of 200 containers of - God knows why I did this - human hair.
Of course this only means you will soon get bored of this jet set life and jump on to something more challenging. Which in simple layman's term means you end up fucking yourself... again. Moral of the story: Don't follow the oz path and you'll be safe.
Now back to the movies you can expect to hit the screens in a few weeks.
Pankaj Parasher, yeah the same whiz kid of the eighties who seems to have lost his bearings after Chaalbaaz, is back. Again. But what seems to be exciting is that Pankaj and Naseer are together again 20 years later, after the spicy Jalwa.
Urmila (expecting a powerful performance), Ashmit Patel (yawn), Naseer (yes!!!), Dimple Kapadia (can't wait, can't wait), Raj Babbar (is he still in the acting business?) form the front line cast of this movie.
Basic premise seems the same old, same old - boy and girl fall in love. Caste issues. Pankaj adds a new flavor where the girl leaves town and returns after 20 odd years.
How well can Pankaj make the jostling town of Banaras an integral character of this movie is what I would like to see. Pankaj was a part of those movies I grew up on. So I'm gonna give him another (oh no not again!) chance.
On the other hand, Satish Kaushik has yet to prove to hardcore movie fanatics that he is as good a director as he is an actor. SSP seems to be based on a movie I saw as a kid - Meri Biwi Ki Shaadi starring Amol Palekar and Ranjeeta.
As per SSP's preview - boy and girl are soon gonna get married. Boy ends up having a misunderstanding about his health. Boy creates circumstances so girl will marry someone else. Girl goes away. Boy realizes that he is not going to die and it's all a misunderstanding. Boy works on getting girl back. Underlining format: Comedy
Akshaye Khanna is doing what Palekar did in the original. The success lies in the hands of Kaushik. Can he pull this one off?
Sohail Khan is back. And that means this movie could predictably be no story, just polish. Frankly that's what the previews seem to be showing. And the clips I watched on TV just reinforce this belief.
But who knows, Sohail-jee as the wooden boxer, Sneha Ullal as the - look I am so sad - wife, Puneet Issar as the Sikh trainer and whatever else we have in there could work wonders at the box office, even if it makes cinema fans question the logic of making this movie in the first place.
Please don't ask. And don't even begin to think about asking. This is a Deepak Tijori movie. Yes, the same Tijori, who was (still is) a bad actor and now is a terrible director. His previous directorial ventures include Oops (bad), Khamosh - Khauff ki Raat (worst) and Fareb (horrible). If I were Tijori, I would strike out all these movies off my resume. Feign ignorance.
Huh? I don't know who made these movies. I was just hanging around the sets.
The good thing is that it has Jimmy Shergill in it. Now Jimmy chooses off-the-beaten-track projects. So something good may come out of this one. The story follows the lives of three guys - Dino Moreo (deaf), Anuj Sawhany (dumb) and Jimmy Shergill (blind). The girl factor is supplied by Celina Jaitley. The villain factor - Gulshan Grover who plays someone called "Suprano" (what the fuck?).
Boy and Girl are getting married... to someone else in their respective lives. They meet accidently. Fall in love and now want to change their wedding plans. Understandings and misunderstandings follow and in the end Raj Kanwar-jee ends the movie. One big happy family. Me thinks this movie would serve as the ideal April boxing bag for the Desi Train movie review.
Akshay Kumar, Katrina Kaif, Bhagyashree (long time no see), Bipasha Basu lead the cast. Me lustily cleaning my hockey stick. Time for another hot hot bashing. Desi Train style.
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